Before you start reading it’s probably a good idea that you recap on Part One (here) and Part Two (here). By now you know the drill. It’s gonna be a long post. Get your cup of tea ready. (As before my ‘lightbulb moments’ will be in red. Time will also skip forward as we go on – because … More Part three: Suppression
Before you start reading it’s probably a good idea that you recap on Part One (here). If you’ve already done that (and you have a cup of tea or coffee ready to go) then let me continue… (note – bits highlighted in red are things I feel are important. In this ongoing little series they’re the … More Part two: The beginnings of honesty
It’s a nice morning for a walk – and at least temporarily there is a blue sky to be found if you look upwards. If you keep your eyes focused in this direction things seem very pleasant – however if you adjust your gaze downward then things on the ground aren’t quite so rosy. I … More The truth
Firstly – thanks to everyone that contacted me after my last post. Secondly – I apologise if for the most part I’ve been less communicative than usual. I’ve not completely emerged from my ‘blue period’ this week – but today I definitely feel a little better. Not only is it Friday but in between periods … More Be more kind
One of the most important things to me is honesty in my posts and even though my natural impulse is to hibernate when I feel down I think it’s important to share things with the world be they positive or negative. Too many people hide away when they feel down and it does nothing but … More The summit
I didn’t have a great night’s sleep last night. I had a lot on my mind and kept turning memories over and over. However – whilst I think it’s important to take time to feel and process what I was feeling I also think that there’s no mileage in disappearing into a sea of misery … More Chasing a sunrise
After the euphoria of adrenaline that my short attempts to run produced on Sunday (link) I’ve been dealing with the after effect – which is raging cramp in my quads. It’s not apocalyptically awful if I’m honest (I can still move) but it is surprising because it took a couple of days for the full … More Anniversaries on the horizon
It’s Christmas Eve. I’m lying in bed and my eyes are burning. They’re itchy and uncomfortable from tiredness mostly – and I suspect that this is because I drank waaaaaay too much coffee yesterday. I think it was my way of celebrating my weight loss – but also (since it’s my last remaining vice) also … More Ghosts of Christmas past
Although I’m used to filling my day with things to do, sometimes it hits me just how much I can fit in now that I’m no longer wiped out after just waddling to my car and back. After my less than stellar result on the scales yesterday I decided to go for it today and … More Productive Sunday
Last night I had a vivid nightmare. In this lucid (partially waking) waterfall of subconscious fears I had rented my home to a close friend. I’d done this in the hope that it would be looked after in my absence. I can’t remember where it was that I’d gone or indeed how long I’d been … More Exposed foundations
After I wrote yesterday’s blog I started thinking about my early posts. As I’ve said a few times before here, although I love that people enjoy reading my blogs I do (maybe somewhat selfishly) write them primarily for myself. Lately I’ve also realised that I’ve started to use writing like other people use sudoku – … More Boiling the ocean
If I’m honest I’ve been in a bit of a grump today. Outwardly this (I think) wouldn’t have been apparent – but deep down I know I’ve not been firing on all cylinders. I also know why. I joked to a friend the other day that if I were to text her a picture of … More Walnut cheeks
It’s amazing how much power there is in a photo. Some of them seem almost translucent in their insignificance, and you can flick through them like decks of cards. The subjects that they contain mean absolutely nothing – but then you’ll see one that for no apparent reason contains a spark, which makes your heart … More It’s slowly getting easier
Something that I (shamefully) used to say to close friends and relatives was that I fully expected to die in the very near future, and that I was resigned to never reaching a pensionable age. The odds related to my weight seemed to support my often bleak approach to life and I was in retrospect … More Falling pianos
I spoke too soon about the rain holding off yesterday. When I woke up this morning it was chucking it down – and the whole world looked damp and miserable. I know that this is a stark indicator of my potential mood for the day because on any other morning I’d look out of the … More Fifteen stone certificate
There are few better places to reflect on things than a graveyard. I started writing this post in the middle of an early morning walk, sitting in the shade of a nearby church with my flask of coffee and thinking about why I felt so down yesterday. Just in case my current setting may appear … More 99% are really really good
I’m beginning to think I’m the wrong shape. Actually – scratch that. I know I’m the wrong shape. I don’t for a minute think that I’m particularly unusual in this – but it’s not doing me any favours at all when it comes to finding outdoor clothing – which I need to buy relatively soon for … More Looking for the spark
If yesterday proved anything to me it was that just when I think I have a handle on life – and that I’m sorted and happy – a chance thought comes along, yanks the rug out from under me and leaves me feeling profoundly blue. Yesterday morning I felt like I was on top of the world and … More The thought
I’m currently revelling in two different kinds of little miracles – the first as old as time and the latter a far more recent thing. Firstly – sleep. Ohmyflippingwordhowmuchbetterdoestheworldlookwhenyou’vehadsomesleep???!!!! It’s fair to say that some (but not all) of my darker moments in the past week can be traced back to the doorstep of an … More Feeling lots better
I hate to say it but this week (and today in particular) I’m struggling a bit. This afternoon I’m looking around me and I’m feeling a muted sense of anger about almost everything. Feeding this even further is an irritation because I know it’s unreasonable and out of proportion. Nothing apart from the fact that … More Large chopper
