The thought

If yesterday proved anything to me it was that just when I think I have a handle on life – and that I’m sorted and happy – a chance thought comes along, yanks the rug out from under me and leaves me feeling profoundly blue. Yesterday morning I felt like I was on top of the world and … More The thought

Feeling lots better

I’m currently revelling in two different kinds of little miracles – the first as old as time and the latter a far more recent thing. Firstly – sleep. Ohmyflippingwordhowmuchbetterdoestheworldlookwhenyou’vehadsomesleep???!!!! It’s fair to say that some (but not all) of my darker moments in the past week can be traced back to the doorstep of an … More Feeling lots better

Large chopper

I hate to say it but this week (and today in particular) I’m struggling a bit.  This afternoon I’m looking around me and I’m feeling a muted sense of anger about almost everything. Feeding this even further is an irritation because I know it’s unreasonable and out of proportion.  Nothing apart from the fact that … More Large chopper

Pity party

It’s not rained for a while. Not properly anyway, meaning that dirt track walks have suddenly dried out and extra bits of the countryside have become accessible.  I’ve continued my slightly ambitious walking schedule this week and maybe explored a little more than usual as a consequence. When muddy paths aren’t an issue I’m far … More Pity party

Spring

I think my mood is being affected by my cold as I’ve no other reason to wake up feeling glum. However for some reason I did. Oddly today everything seemed grey when I opened my eyes and my enthusiasm for anything and everything was at rock bottom. Although… now that I think about it – … More Spring

Anniversaries

The 26th and 28th of January are a big days for me – but for very different reasons. Whilst one is cause for celebration the other is not, and both have been playing on my mind for weeks. I need to get my thoughts about these out of my head and onto the page, despite their anniversary still being a few … More Anniversaries

Frosty Jack

Perspective is often the only thing that separates us from feeling depressed and feeling elated. I’m sure that in 99% of cases it’s simply a choice in life to feel positive or to feel negative – and I continually TRY to choose the former. This morning the sun was shining and even though it was bitterly … More Frosty Jack

No more ice cubes

I woke up unusually early this morning. I had quite a bit to do before this afternoon and I wanted to get a head start on the day.  I was also quite excited. Today is a big day for me.  At the moment it’s 8.55am and I’m waiting in my vehicle for the shop in … More No more ice cubes

Counting the pile

I’m having a day of ‘rest’ today. Well at least from walking – it’s not really a day of chilling – but time to tidy my house. It’s become a bit of a mess in my recent prolonged outdoor absences. It’s no excuse I know but I have been trying not to sit indoors at all … More Counting the pile

Feeling vulnerable

It’s sunny outside and I’ve just returned from a morning out. I’ve walked around the park, said hello to lots of ‘regulars’ and watched the world go by while talking with a friend. I’ve also been shopping at Aldi and filled my fridge with virtuous food of every description. The bank holiday has now passed … More Feeling vulnerable

Tilted

Its 7pm. I’ve just awoken in a panic. I thought It was Saturday and that I was late for my weigh in. I have another 15 hours thankfully – but it’s more the sleeping in the afternoon and the panicking that’s on my mind at the moment. I used to need a snooze after work a … More Tilted

100

Breakfast today was a 600g punnet of cherry tomatoes, a pint of water and my pills. The tomatoes were nice. I was looking forward to them actually. I forgetfully left them on the work surface in the kitchen overnight instead of putting them in the fridge and when I came to eat them the morning … More 100

Excellent mentor

I try if at all possible to limit posts where I’m particularly down. It’s not that I want to edit my thoughts and hide who I am but more to do with not wanting to appear to be a moaner. I don’t like the idea that people may decide that’s who I am. Fifteen years ago … More Excellent mentor

Mood share

This morning when I awoke the thinnest sliver of perspective stood between Thursday starting as a good day or a bad day. On the face of things it was a recipie for a bad mood. I’d had a warning on my car to get my brake discs checked for several days. It only flicked on … More Mood share

Watch it

I wasn’t planning to post today as nothing much happened. Sunday has been chilled and mostly for cooking, washing up and the occasional video game. It’s been a day of relaxation. This would likely have been the only paragraph in my blog if I hadn’t been pointed toward something on television by a friend from work. ‘Are … More Watch it

Moment of Zen

The people who know me will probably be best placed to decide whether I suffer from stress or not. Previously I would have been 99.9% sure that I did not (outside of parental bereavement and funerals etc), but I’m beginning to question that now. I’m becoming VERY aware lately that my stress management (usually alcohol) in … More Moment of Zen

Marbles and budgets

How would you describe your mind? For what amounts to little more than a collection of protein and electrical impulses we all give them very emotive descriptions depending on how we’re feeling.​ If he’s tired or ill my father often refers to his mind as being full of ‘mental chewing gum’. Similarly he imagines it packed … More Marbles and budgets

They live among us

Today nothing bad has happened. I need to be clear about that. I’ve had so far a relatively productive Wednesday, and have completed day three of my time on the program. I’ve been trying some mindfulness this afternoon, in an attempt to clear my head and just focus on whats important in life, but its … More They live among us

Warm burst

Day two of my self build course. A lot less people turned up today, maybe because they didn’t like the content or decided that being drunk or stoned was preferable. I suppose I’ll find out if they reappear tomorrow. The second day was more cordial. Lots more chatter on smoke breaks, and opportunities for those … More Warm burst

Kylie and peas

The radio is playing. Kylie Minogue is doing her level best to cheer me up, but despite my thoughts about her perky bottom and the sound of her chirpy voice it’s not working. I’m sitting in my car on a street full of dowdy looking industrial units and I’m 20 minutes early for my clinic … More Kylie and peas

Chickenzilla

It’s cold today, and it feels like there’s snow in the air. It’s apt, as this weekend I’ve been mostly hibernating a bit if I’m honest. I’m trying to throw off a succession of negative thoughts that have been buzzing around in my head. They don’t really have a form – and are difficult to vocalise, … More Chickenzilla