Well – regardless of how I say I feel about weighing in and being significantly over target today is the litmus test.
It’s 8am on Saturday morning and I’ve got two hours before I have to go and stand on the scales. It’s been eight weeks since I last faced the music and as a (in name only currently) target member I need to do this or my membership will lapse.
I’ve already walked around the park and back to home and I doubt it’s made any difference. I feel bloated this morning and I know the result will not be great.
(Author potters about, shaves his head and heads to group)
Ok. It’s confession time.
I already knew what the damage was going to be – but I also know that it actually represents a win of sorts.
If I’d weighed in two Saturdays ago (when I went to group with my partner but could barely speak to anyone because I was so upset with myself) I would have been around 16st 10lbs.
I know this because on Saturday morning buck naked on my own scales at home I weighed 16st 8.5lbs and my lightest weigh in clothes are 1.5lbs.
I was over a stone and a half out of target after several weeks of off plan emotional eating.
Today my scales told a slightly more encouraging but still rather sad tale.
So – on the up side I’d managed to drop over half a stone in two weeks.
On the down side at group I got an apocalyptic black mark in my book which now looks like this.
The kind lady on weigh in neglected to write the full gain down but I know.
It’s sixteen pounds.
However – it’s not as if I’m not trying to address it, and I’m not slumped face down in a multipack if crisps with a takeaway menu next to my phone.
I took it on the chin, went home and had a bowl of weetabix and some fruit followed by a few carrots and some ham.
Not long after I walked to the supermarket and did some healthy shopping before cooking a lovely on plan evening meal (chilli) for my partner and me.
Furthermore even though it’s rained for most of the day I have still managed to get eight miles under my belt and stay positive.
Screw depression and screw feeling like a failure.
I’m just another person continually battling demons and trying to find a happy medium.
As long as I keep sight of that and just keep swimming then I’ll be back to target in no time flat.
That’s the plan anyway!