If I’m honest I’ve probably been rather hard on myself this week.
You can tell people over and over when giving advice that they should focus on the things they do well and ignore others – but when it applies to yourself it’s all too easy to focus solely on the bad.
I’m just as guilty of this as the next man (or woman) and I do it far too often – even at this stage in the game.
Sometimes it’s hard though to step away from feelings that somehow (despite all evidence to the contrary) that you will return to the habits of the past and that everything will fall apart.
Life’s good – but is it too good?
Is this just the peak before the fall?
It’s silly isn’t it – but I’m sure that we all do it from time to time.
I just wish my fears didn’t manifest themselves when I’m trying to regain my mojo – because I’d much rather just hit a task head on with positive vibes in my mind.
Regardless of that (even though I don’t have to weigh in until Monday) I’m currently standing in line at Slimming World waiting to get some positive inspiration.
The truth of it is that weighing in on a day other than a Saturday really screws with my internal treat/austerity matrix.
The weekend – which is usually something of a ‘relaxed’ part of my dietary week – is a real danger period if I go into it ignoring the fact that I’m due to step on the scales in only two days time.
I’ve not stepped on the scales since the last official weigh in and regular readers will know that it wasn’t a positive one.
I’ve been in a ‘struggling member’ place for the last couple of weeks – and honestly my good behaviour mojo has been practically impossible to find at times.
The very best I’ve been able to accomplish is ‘hold my worst impulses at bay’ on some days – so I’ve attempted to compromise with myself this week.
I’ve accepted that I’m not fully ‘there’ with regard to my mindset.
Instead of giving up though I’ve done the best I can with food when I’ve felt able but also tried to increase my exercise activities in order to offset anything awful.
So far it appears to be working – and both my significant other and I have been leaning on eachother from afar in moments of weakness.
It’s nice to never have to hide your behaviours or excesses from someone – especially as we come from so many of the same places in life.
In my past life my behaviours were way more furtive than they are now and I hid smoking, eating and drinking from previous partners.
I couldn’t really modify any of those habits at the time and consequently many flashpoints occurred that seriously damaged trust between us.
I roll my eyes in shame and frustration now when I think of how I used to hide cigarettes in the spare wheel of my car, drink when my other half visited family, and buy kebabs on the way home from work while she was making a healthy meal.
Everything was self inflicted damage and I regret each and every time I told little white lies in order to cover up my inadequacies.
It’s not that way any more though.
My policy is absolute honesty – even if that highlights a failure.
Storing up crap for the future is a fool’s game because it always comes out in the end.
Even if a white lie is never found out the burden of remembering what you said instead of the truth will eventually catch up with you.
That may even result in stress or depression – but it can all be avoided.
Ever since I started weaponising honesty in my blog and wider life everything changed for the better.
My achievements in life have multiplied beyond anything I could ever have imagined.
My friendships have strengthened, and I’ve met many many new people who seem drawn to my willingness to expose all of my faults for the world to see.
It doesn’t hurt in a relationship either.
You can’t build a home on crappy foundations and these are no different. Start as you mean to go on.
So – when I stepped on the scales at home this morning I was pleasantly surprised.
Now – this is me in my pants, not in clothes – but it shows what a week of hard work (I’ve been swimming every day in the morning and walking almost every evening) can do if you put your mind to it.
The thing is that I still have two days to go before I can officially say I’m back in target – so I have to be good.
To add insult to injury (thanks to an ever changing schedule) I have to do an early weigh in on Monday instead of an evening one like I did last week.
Ah well. I’m in the right place. The room is buzzing. There’s music in the background and I’m feeling positive.
Angie is welcoming her new members behind me and there’s the occasional cheer of slimmers standing on the scales and getting the result they want.
The other who aren’t so happy are chatting with friends, looking through their recipe books and planning strategies for the week ahead.
The fact is regardless of what happens I’m trying – and that’s what separates old Davey from new and improved Davey.
Although we were both hard on ourselves he never ever believed (or had any evidence) that he could succeed.
These days a failure isn’t what it used to be.
I used to be able to flush my life down the toilet in a way many would marvel at.
So – regardless of the moments where I re-brand my success as failure or look to the floor rather than the sky things are better.
I’m continually trying to be the best version of myself – to be a good role model to those I love – and at the end of the day that’s enough.
No one is perfect, we all falter and we all look down on ourselves.
Whether you pick yourself up and move on or not is the differentiator between someone that’s becoming unhappier and unhealthy or someone that’s ultimately pleased with who they are and loving life.
I’m the latter.
Now and forever.