Days really don’t get much better than today, because after what’s been (not counting the last three years) a lifetime of continual failure I finally planted the flag of success in my Slimming World journey.
Today I collected my diamond target member certificate, sticker and badge at my usual Saturday group and I couldn’t be happier.
Although some may think that winning Man of the Year might be what I’d consider to be the highlight of my Slimming World journey they’d be wrong.
without wishing to trivialise my award the MOTY title is something decided by others and it’s based upon their assessment of my worthiness rather than my own.
In many ways I’ve felt conflicted about that award ever since receiving it.
To start off with it’s very difficult to feel like you deserve something when you have considered yourself to be a screw up for so long.
It’s also hard to deal with such a monumental moment for another reason.
I saw so many other people on the day I was chosen that were clearly just as worthy as I was that the title became (at least in my mind) less of a confirmation that I was successful and more about needing to continually justify being given it.
I felt that if I let myself down that I was also letting down all of the other people that could have won in my stead.
The only way I could honour their achievements was to remain worthy of what I’d been given last July – and at times this has been very hard.
I don’t want to fail anyone and at times I feel like I’ve fallen short.
Although occasionally being a few pounds out of target isn’t the end of the world, in this context it can mean a lot more to me (in the great scheme of things) than it should.
Learning how to deal with this has been part and parcel of the limelight that I agreed to step into though – and I was aware that this was a probable side effect of such ‘success’ from day one.
In its own way this has been useful in though and I’ve learned a lot about how to manage such emotions since July last year.
In contrast the diamond target membership is different.
It’s not a matter of a choices made by others but a representation of my continued focus and long term success. It’s therefore something that’s entirely for me and the battle to obtain it has been one that I’ve been fighting my whole life.
When I hold it in my hand it carries with it the weight and gravity that many many years of pain have heaped upon my shoulders yet simultaneously lifts a burden that I never thought would leave me.
It’s proof positive that I can not only lose weight consistently but that I can keep it off.
It also demonstrates that I am capable of dealing with the occasional normal fluctuations that just happen to everyone throughout their entire lives.
This moment is therefore significant because to me it represents the positive culmination of every single bad and good experience throughout my entire life.
I’m not only going to treasure this certificate – I’m going to mount it on my wall in a frame.
Today internet I’m a happy boy.