It’s Saturday – and today this represents not just a weigh in – but hopefully a continuing change of mindset.
Today I’m trying on for size an approach that says ‘it’s ok to not be perfect – as long as I’m trying’.
I’m already going to group in the knowledge that I’ve not removed the gain from last week – and I’m probably going to have maintained my weight or not lost very much at all.
I hope I haven’t gained – but if I have I’ll deal with it and overcome.
The morning has so far been a very pleasant one – and I’ve been twalking with someone from another local Slimming World group that regularly comments on this blog.
We met in the largely deserted car park of St Nicholas Park at 6.30am and set off on a slightly different route to my normal one.
My companion likes to walk around the fishing pond as well as the playing field (which extends the circuit by about 200m) since the park’s resident heron is usually parked up there, nonchalantly watching passers by from the small island in the middle.
Today was no exception – and as we crossed the bridge this wonderfully majestic bird was just beginning to take flight.
I didn’t have my camera ready for the event today – but in the past I’ve been much more fortunate.
It’s been nice to chat in person to my companion rather than on the internet – and it’s yet another reminder (if ever I needed one) of how positive a force writing and blogging has become in my life.
It always brings me into contact with the unexpected and confronts me with points of view I might not have otherwise considered.
Each time I walk with or meet someone new my perspective subtly changes.
I rarely notice this when I’m walking – or even immediately afterwards – but later on (often much later) little words and phrases from these conversations crop up in my mind and attach themselves to thoughts.
My companion is no stranger to Slimming World – and recently found his own reasons to rejoin a group and embark upon a new journey.
He’s told me a lot about this privately and I’m really glad he feels so alive and empowered at the moment.
It reminds me a lot of when I started back in 2016 and it’s nice to see – because sometimes I need to be confronted with what it was like back then.
I had everything to gain, and absolutely nothing to lose.
(Apart from twenty stone… but you know what I mean.)
As well as this similarity, he (like me) is a lover of the walks available locally in Warwickshire – and it seems over time we’ve wandered through many of the same places – but never together.
It was a nice way to start the morning – and just like I do in the week also a perfect time to see the park when it’s at its best.
if you make an early start it’s usually empty, the light is absolutely gorgeous and the temperature is perfectly chilled – so you rarely overheat, no matter how fast you go.
After nearly four miles we shook hands – agreed we’d have to meet up again – parted company and headed off to our respective tasks for the day.
In my case it was to do my weekly shopping.
Since deep down I’m a ridiculously old fart I happen to be rather set in my ways – and can usually be found waiting for the door to open at my favourite supermarket with a trolly ready to go at 8am on a Saturday.
It is after all the only way to get the best bargains and the nicest produce whilst avoiding the crowds.
(Author does his shopping, puts it all away, gets ready, goes to group and then weighs in)
Some of our normal social team are absent this week so I arrived earlier to group than usual to help out on the pay station.
This means that I stood on the scales at 10.15am before the rest of the group arrived and quietly took the result on the chin.
I didn’t get rid of my gain.
I could look at this one of three ways.
- I’m still out of target and it’s a disaster.
- I’m within four pounds of it and that’s two and a half pounds closer than I was last week
- I’m doing ok by every measure of life because I’m now exactly the same weight I was when I hit my first target in February.
Personally I’ve chosen a mix of the last two.
I want to get back into my more recent target range again and in order to do that (and be comfortable) I have to get rid of around 7lbs.
It’s totally do-able.
Besides – it’s hard to look at anything like this negatively because one of the first customers I said hello to this morning was practically giving me a stern tongue lashing for being way too hard on myself around success and failure.
She’s not the only one either – and I was reminded by Angie as I sat in image therapy today (soaking up the positivity from her and others) that ‘those who stay to group lose weight – and those that don’t lose interest.‘
She’s so right.
I need this in my life.
It keeps me centred and it’s my refuge from the week.
For all the difficulties I’ve had facing the scales recently my group has been (and is always) a refuge where there’s no judgement and absolutely zero negativity.
After leaving I may not always feel physically lighter but I always feel emotionally unburdened.
Life is good.
There’s no point trying to paint it any other way.
I feel like I’m almost through my little rough patch and about to emerge bounding over hedgerows on the other side.
By the time this month concludes things won’t exactly be ‘fixed’ but what I will have is space to consider my next steps and the time to experiment a little.
I’m looking forward to it – and as frightening as the absence of any kind of firm plan is, it’s also rather exhilarating.
I have a few things pencilled in – but otherwise I just want to explore and be a little creative.
I’m looking forward to sleeping better for one thing (this is a bit of a problem currently) and getting more unbroken slumber than I’ve been used to for the last few weeks.
Sleep is key to feeling like you can cope with life and when you don’t get it things quickly stack up.
When I awake feeling more than a bit broken the only things that have recently been bringing me back to life are coffee and brisk walking.
However it would be absolutely wonderful if I genuinely felt like getting out of bed when my alarm went off (I used to wake up before it every single day without fail) rather than forcing myself to lift my head off the pillow.
Currently it’s a bit of a tough sell.
I’ve been including lots of oily fish in my diet recently to try and remedy this situation – since in the past I’ve found that this has helped even my mood dips out.
It’s an overactive mind that’s causing the loss of sleep and supressed thoughts are bleeding into dreams and nightmares, leaving me unsettled and flustered for hours after I wake.
Some nights (last night being one of them) has seen me eating a kilo of carrots at 3am whilst playing Far Cry 5 on the PS4.
I’m not running from the reasons behind this any more. If you do then you just get depressed and anxious.
Fundamentally you have to deal with the root of any such issue otherwise it slowly poisons your happiness from within.
In my case I think I have.
Hopefully I’ve made the right choices – but only time will tell.
In the meantime I’ve got a busy few days ahead of me – including several nights out.
It feels like keeping myself on the straight and narrow has never been such a challenge (this is clearly not true) but I’m on the case and committed to turning everything around.
There’s nothing going on in my life that positivity and a smile can’t fix internet – and I aim to try and deploy these all week long.