Well if proof was ever needed that I’m just as fallible as the next man (or woman) it arrived today when I stood on the scales in group and faced the brutal result of two weeks where I’ve been more off plan than on.
I’ve been comfort eating because of my mood dips and it shows.
Since I last weighed in over the last two weeks the scales report that I’ve gained half a stone.
I’m not gonna lie.
It really stings.
Feeling like I’ve let myself down and doing so in public isn’t pleasant and it’s only tempered by the knowledge that (as long as can muster the willpower) I know I can repair the damage.
It’s also a reminder that walking and exercise alone will not paper over the cracks if I decide to start eating way too much food.
I’m certain of this because despite (metaphorically) eating all the pies it’s not like I’ve been sitting on my ass with a tub of Haagen Daas doing nothing.
I’ve been a busy boy all week long with a daily average of 12.4 miles – and I’ve only overeaten free food.
However – since I’m being honest with you all – over the last few days my weight has actually gone down.
In that respect my level of activity has helped. If I hadn’t been doing this I’m sure the outcome would have been way worse.
I started getting a lid on my excesses on Wednesday (when I finally faced reality) with a much bigger mountain to climb.
So despite this being something of a screw up on my part – in many ways (paradoxically) it represents a cluster of minor victories.
- I took what I knew was going to be a gain on the chin and weighed in anyway – despite really not wanting to.
- I relied on the support of the group and my consultant (which they all gave me enthusiastically)
- I didn’t say ‘screw it’ after facing the truth and carry on over eating.
- If I was still going by my old target of 14st 7lbs from late February I’d currently be in range.
However – we’ll see whether any of these things matter next week – because in between now and then I’ve still got to shift half a stone if I don’t want to hand over cold hard cash to weigh in.
(Slimming World target members do not pay to attend group – and if they go over target they get a week’s grace to fix the damage)
Since I’m tighter than a duck’s ass this is a powerful motivator.
Honestly though I put too way much pressure on myself.
Throughout this week I’ve still been struggling with feelings about many aspects of life – and it’s been compounded by an ever present sense of guilt that I should somehow be ‘better than this’.
Although it’s complete nonsense, and I’m only human in the background I still have an inner voice continually whispering poison in my ear.
It’s telling me that my Man of the Year award means I should somehow have managed to avoid things like this. I should instead be a perfect example to all who are watching and arrive at group to weigh in bang on target week after faultless week.
It doesn’t help that Monday and Tuesday saw me doing three radio and one newspaper interviews as well as appearing in several other media stories relating to heart health across the West Midlands.
(FYI – you can Google my name and ‘heart health’ if you want to see them)
‘How do you feel now your heart age has improved so much?’ One journalist asked me on Tuesday.
According to the online tool (link) it had dropped from 57 when I started Slimming World (at the age of 43) to its current age of 44.
‘Great!’ I replied.
If I’d have been completely candid with him that would have actually translated to ‘…not very good today if I’m honest. I feel like a bit of a fraud talking to you at the moment and I’d much rather be hiding in my wardrobe than talking to the press about being successful.’
It’s all in the mind though, because right now, sitting in a coffee shop after mooching around town for a couple of hours I feel much better than I did at 7.30am, when I was standing barefoot in my pants looking down at my bathroom scales and unsuccessfully willing them to say something other than they did.
Currently I at least feel like I’ve made a start with confronting the issue that I’ve saddled myself with and that as long as I keep being positive there’s no reason at all why this time next week (or even maybe the week after) it will be a distant memory.
If I want positive encouragement then all I have to do is look at my stats and achievements.
This one is a good start.
Since I last had a cold capable of taking me out of the game (only for one day in 2017) I have an unbroken streak of filling my Apple Watch move ring (AND BOTH OF MY OTHER RINGS) for 374 straight days.
I’m quite chuffed with that.
During this period I’ve also averaged 10.2 miles a day.
Week in. Week out.
So – while there are little dips I know that the overall trend is a positive one.
Furthermore – when I look at Slimming World’s mobile site and it’s graph showing my progress the red line underlined the result of this effort and commitment in a way that few other visuals can.
Pictorial evidence also shows clearly (with a current weight photo taken last Saturday on the left) what’s at stake and why I should not only be proud of what I’ve done, but laser focused on ensuring it remains that way.
So – that’s my day, and that’s my mindset.
I’ve faced being out of target for the first time since I hit it and I’m moving forward.
Tomorrow is another (hopefully on plan) day and I’ll be climbing any mountains that life presents me with.
I’ll keep you up to date internet with how I get on.