Something that I still find rather surprising in WordPress is when I get lots of ‘single hits’.
Occasionally I’ll pick up a new subscriber who appears to have a lot of time on their hands (I do rather love these guys and gals) and for a week or two they almost single handedly account for the lion’s share of traffic hitting my site.
Typically I can spot this kind of new reader because my older blogs get sequential hits one by one. If I refresh my stats (although I can’t see who is doing this just in case you wondered) I know that someone is wading through my history in date order and following my journey as it unfolded.
It often makes me realise that the mind is a funny thing – because you can occasionally be lulled into thinking that life has always been the way it is at any one given moment in time.
It’s kind of like being in the dead of winter, standing in the snow and finding it impossible to imagine how it would feel if the sun was shining and you were wearing shorts and a tee shirt.
I’ve written so many posts now (584!) that I’m honestly forgetting what some of them contain.
This is a little unsettling because at the time I constructed these, each one was read, re-read and then read again MANY times before publication as I tinkered with the thoughts and wording.
Many remain delightfully imperfect (surprisingly I like that) and often I find punctuation or spelling errors that I’ve missed – but on the whole I thought that I knew each and every one of them.
They’re all little bits of me after all.
Each post contains the unvarnished truth of that particular moment (albeit in a literary container designed to be easily consumed) and in many ways when I pressed ‘publish’ it felt like I was watching little children wander out into the world and wondering if they’d be ok without me.
Not so long ago someone read ‘one to twenty’ (link) and when I saw this pop up on my phone I followed the link to look at the post.
I remembered the title – but not what it related to – and as I read the content it took me back to a time that I felt broken.
Back then I was struggling with almost everything in life and I still hadn’t mustered up the strength to tackle my weight.
I had been sober for just over a month and a ‘taste’ for alcohol was still in the back of my mind.
I was seeking help for what I now freely admit to myself was alcoholism and although not quite at my lowest I wasn’t that far off.
The power of writing moments like this down is very much like noting all of your body measurements when you embark upon a diet – because no matter how hard you try not to you’re almost certain to occasionally fail.
The question at the point of crisis then becomes (if you don’t say ‘screw it’ and press the self destruct button) ‘how do I recapture my drive and pull things back around?’
My blog (and old posts like this) fill just such a gap – because just like the days where you achieve inch loss instead of weight loss and thank your lucky stars you had the presence of mind to get that tape measure out when you really didn’t want to it allows me to step back in time and to stand in the shoes of someone I don’t know any more.
The gift of continued perspective just keeps giving – and I’ve learned that such insight is precious.
if I could give any advice when it comes to achieving anything in life it’s this:
You need to cultivate these nuggets wherever you can – because as uncomfortable as the truth of your past (or present) is it’s still the truth and you NEED to face it.
So – if you’re reading this and wanting to make a change to anything that you don’t like about yourself take time out to retain a snapshot of who you are now.
Even if it emotionally hurts to take a selfie, to measure your bingo wings, to check how fast you can walk a mile, to know how fast your heart beats when you climb up your stairs or how long you can stand before things begin to hurt JUST DO IT.
It’s often the difference between success and failure further down the line.
You might feel strong now – but we’re only as successful as our worst day – and when your back is against the wall you need to find some ammo in your almost empty clip.
I’ve realised that amongst many other things that I’ve changed about my life and outlook over the last few years it’s this that’s become a pivotal element of what I hope will be lifelong success.
In my case I’m everywhere now.
I’m my own top hit in Google and I can’t escape myself.
I’m plastered all over social media (despite my natural reticence in this area) and that’s a good thing.
Instead of feeling exposed and vulnerable like I expected to when I started I now feel the absolute opposite. My failures and struggles not only help other people but they help me too.
I can look back now with pride instead of regret because of this – and that’s something that’s infinitely more precious than wealth, status or material possessions.
Well – almost…
I bought some new Clarkes shoes yesterday and they’re flipping awesome.
As I type I’m in the middle of a continued and prolonged footgasm.
They’re soooooo comfortable!!!
Granted I doubt they’ll win me the title of ‘trendiest guy in the universe’ but holy crap do they make me feel happy!!!
Here’s to perspective and new shoes internet.
May they both last forever!