Sometimes only expletives can describe how you feel.
I like to think that at all times I can navigate successfully around profanity when talking or writing with a deft linguist flick of the wrist – but AT THIS VERY MOMENT the only phrase that seems to fit my mood is ‘I feel ••••ing AMAZING‘.
Maybe it’s a hangover from my council estate youth or some other deep seated need that makes me want to occasionally pop out a well timed swearword – but (as those that know me will attest) there are times I can’t help myself.
You might ask yourselves (particularly if you’re a regular reader) why I feel so good.
You’d be right to do so.
On paper – given every other yardstick that I’ve judged myself with for the last two years yesterday would have been a bit of a blow. I had a gain on the scales that scuppered any chance of getting to my target weight by the 26th of January.
A year ago this would probably have devastated me. I’d be convinced that I was backsliding or encountering ‘the dreaded plateau‘.
However my outlook on life, my thoughts and my hopes for the future are all very different now.
This morning I tried on my charity shop 501’s and I have to say – this was a BIG moment for me. From memory the very first time I slid into a pair of these was in 1990/91.
I’m not 100% sure whether they were a 34 or a 36 inch waist back then – but frankly it doesn’t matter because I know I’ll never possess that adolescent 17 year old body again and I’m at peace with that.
All I can do is live in and love the one I have now because it’s the only one I’ve got and I’ll never get another.
I stopped off at a shop where there’s a huge mirror (my previous natural predator) to take some photos.
But not before I checked the price of a new pair. If you remember mine cost £10…
I think I like mine better 😊
You can make up your own mind about how they look (I know they don’t match my shoes) but when I sit and stare at these pictures I can really only see tweaks that I would like to change about myself. Overall I’m becoming happy with where I am.
My friend recently remarked to me that I had better stop losing weight soon ‘…before people start dragging you to food banks and shoving sausage rolls down your neck’.
She makes me laugh – but she has a point. There’s not much further to go, and once I get to my target I think I’ll be comfortable there.
However – this is not (as you might have suspected) the cause for my shocking profanity.
After returning home with my shopping I decided to briskly walk into town (as I often do) for some exercise.
It was freezing.
It’s been raining and snowing – making the temperature pretty much zero today. It’s just miserable and the pavements are all slushy.
As I reached the bottom of the hill near my house my hands were still frozen and I wasn’t warming up at all, so I thought ‘nuts to this I’m gonna run.’
(The following will probably mean more if you live in Warwick and Leamington)
So I crossed the road and ran from the bridge over the river to Guide Dogs for the Blind, walked from there to the top of the road, ran to the bridge near the recycle centre, walked to their gates, ran uphill under the railway bridge to the traffic lights by Pets at Home, walked over the two sets of lights into the park behind McDonald’s, ran through the park to the exit by Aldi and walked to Starbucks at the Shires Retail Park 😲
All in all I think I ran (and I wasn’t doing the waddling jog that happened when I last tried to run at 22st) for just over half a mile.
Now before I get lots of comments – I don’t know what this means. I don’t know whether this is something I want to pursue yet or just something that I’m stunned by. I’m still miffed with myself over press-upgate and I don’t want to say I’m going to take up something in the heat of the moment that I don’t intend to follow through with.
I’m just sitting here pretty blown away by how I feel – because I feel ••••ing amazing!!! I wasn’t really out of breath while doing it either. My pulse went up and I eventually tired, but this was a muscular thing, and not a cardio one – so it shows that I can do it if I choose to and I could probably do it well.
Also unlike last time my whole body doesn’t feel like jelly and I’m not trembling all over.
So internet – I just wanted to tell you all that I feel ‘••••ing amazing’.