It’s not happening. I just can’t sleep. Currently it’s 2.45am and I’m unable to clear my mind. It’s just continually racing from one topic to the next.
I knew that I was preoccupied last night when my stomach started playing its ‘I bet you can’t fill me‘ game.
In the end I showed it who’s boss. It was a hollow victory though because I just wound up feeling a bit sick after putting its challenge to bed.
A combination of the spicy foods I consumed and other day to day concerns therefore are currently conspiring together to disturb my sleep. Both my stomach and mind are relentlessly churning away like a washing machine.
There’s nothing serious happening though. Everything is ok in the grand scheme of things. The issue is that by nature I’m someone that likes to have a relatively logical order and process in the world around me.
When I’m confronted with something that I consider to be a barrier to that, which is a bit chaotic or temporarily defies my attempts to understand or explain it I try endlessly in my head to turn it over and over, find ways around the problem and make sense of what it all means.
Since 1am I’ve been doing just that – drawing logic diagrams in my head, mentally screwing them up and then starting over.
It’s something I’ll figure out eventually – but in the meantime it’s not helping me in terms of shut-eye (or with occasional moments of over eating.)
Yesterday I consumed a lot of protein. Way too much in fact. I got a large amount of chicken bargains in Tesco on Thursday that were close to out of date and reduced – which I realise now was a bit of a tactical error.
I bought too much (and I mean a lot!) and then convinced myself that they all needed ‘using up’.
Silly Davey’s Friday looked like this…
Crudités and two packs of chicken pieces
Cayenne and paprika beef, two packs of chicken pieces, swede, carrot, potato, onion and tomato stew
2x large spicy chilli chicken breasts
6x large gala apples
450g pot of onken ‘whole grain’ yogurt (can’t find this in the SW app but it’s got between 4.5 and 12 syns I reckon)
So – it’s ridiculous o’clock and I need to sleep but can’t. The only sensible thing to do is make a large, strong coffee and play some violent video games.
Thankfully I found another bargain whilst in Tesco on Thursday. The legacy edition of COD Infinite Warfare for £10.
I’ve already played some of Infinite Warfare about a year ago (only campaign – as I hate online adversarial) and frankly it was a bit average – although it’s fun in short bursts, quite pretty in places – and has Game of Thrones’ Kit Harington (John Snow) playing a snarling bad guy in it.
The real sweetener is COD MW Remastered (an absolute classic) which made this particular edition of the game an eye watering £70 when it was originally released.
(Author shoots lots of digital things until most of the things are dead but then the digtal things gang up, retaliate and repeatedly kill the author who switches off the silly silly game in retaliation.)
Bah. I hardly play games any more and I think it shows. I’ve become totally poo at them. Often now I just find them frustrating, and none of this has helped calm my mind.
How unusual. I felt sure I’d want to nod off after ingesting lots of caffeine and doing something that flooded me with adrenaline…
(Author goes to bed. Still can’t sleep)
It’s now 8am, my eyes think my eyelids are Brillo pads, and I spent the last 90 minutes lying in bed drawing a diagram of my challenges, how they can be worked on and what I need to do to accurately describe and understand them. It’s not completely out of my head but it’s a start.
Now all I have to do is go and stand on the scales in an hour or so. I can feel my stomach still processing spicy chicken and I just know the result will be crap – but hey-ho. I need to go and take it on the chin like I would any other weekend.
It’s just another day and in the scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.
(Author gets ready and goes to group)
Well as expected the scales showed a gain – and frankly I’m not in the least bit surprised. My belly feels like it’s still got half a chicken jammed in my lower colon so I reckon I definitely got what I deserved. To days of packing away the protein isn’t without consequence.
So, I’ve back tracked a bit – but you know what? I don’t really mind if I’m honest.
It gives me something to work towards next week – and if I just take it on the chin and carry on it won’t matter one little bit. There’s no rush to get to target and I’m not putting myself under any needless pressure.
The fact of the matter is that I’m not on a diet.
I’m on a healthy eating plan.
Dieters want to lose weight so that they can ‘start eating normally again’ whereas I want to be healthy for life – and this is just life.
Today I’m moving on, happy and content and I’ve been shopping instead – and I could scarcely believe what I found.
I last time I owned a pair of these when I was 17-18 years old at the start of the 90’s.
Back then a pair of 501’s was a huge deal to me. I wanted to look like Nik Kamen, and take my jeans off in a 1950’s launderette to the sounds of ‘I heard it through the grapevine’.
Consequently I didn’t miss a beat – after checking for holes and wear etc I just took them to the till and without trying them on just handed over a crisp £10 note.
I’ve been abstractily looking for a pair in my size ever since I started buying things from charity shops – but frankly now I’m purchased them I’m actually a bit scared to try them on.
I think I’ll do it in the morning.
I’m hungry and have prepared a super healthy salad, which will be one of many this week. I need to metaphorically tighten my belt – which now I think about it may be an anaolgy that works pretty well in terms of my new purchase too…
We shall see…
Wish me luck internet – I’ll let you know in the next installment if my 501’s fit and more importantly whether they make me look like a Greek god or a blueberry muffin.