I caught myself wondering (for the first time in many many years) the other day whether or not I should get a Christmas tree.
I was sitting in a nearby pub yesterday evening with a friend sipping a jam jar full of Diet Coke (what the hell is the obsession with drinks being served in jam jars instead of glasses these days?) looking at the tree in the corner and thinking ‘maybe it’s about time I decorated my living room’.
I know that several friends will say resoundingly ‘Yes! You really flipping should!’ because over the years they’ve pointed out to me that I’ve had a completely bare corner where a tree should be and a totally tinsel free December.
They’ve called me a Grinch more than once.
I guess the truth of it is that I’ve always considered a Christmas tree something that families have. Since I don’t have one of my own (aside from my extended one) or any children it’s always been more of a reminder of what I was missing out in in life than it was a celebration of a festive season.
I guess Christmas is one of those times of year that’s capable of making you feel really festive or a bit lonely depending on your circumstances.
I wouldn’t say though that I’ve ever felt particularly alone – but I’m also aware that this may in part be because I have actively avoided anything that may cause me to feel that way or reminded me that I might have been missing out on some things.
I suppose that just thinking about buying a tree is a signal that yet another aspect of my outlook on life is changing. Maybe it’s also a sign that I feel a having a partner and living a life that’s not defined by solitude is something that is now a distinct possibility rather than a distant pipe dream.
It’s no longer the case that I have (or indeed necessarily WANT) to be alone at this time of year any more – so why shouldn’t I indulge myself?
Maybe by the time next year rolls around things will be different relationship wise – but if I’m honest I don’t know where or how to begin plugging that particular gap.
I’m hoping it will happen organically – but I doubt very much that it will – and a couple of friends have suggested things that would require me emotionally getting off my ass and putting myself out there.
It’s either that or I put a full page ad in the paper saying ‘Funny female nerd wanted to go for twalks and watch Netflix with. Must also like cottage cheese and find farting funny.’
I have no idea what works these days. I’ve been out of the loop so long I think I’m completely oblivious to every aspect of how to go about such a thing.
Maybe getting a tree is enough for now internet . I’ll stress the bigger stuff later.