I’m just gonna get right out there and say it. I’m really flipping happy today.
The sun was is shining in the park and as I took this photo I felt good.
Although there’s still a serious chill in the air I really don’t care at all. My happiness – although enhanced by the weather – is predominantly caused by other things in life. I can’t stop thinking today that I’ve a lot to be thankful for – and what’s more almost none of it just fell into my lap.
When I woke up this morning (after proudly posting a before and after comparison shot on Instagram) I sat thinking about why I’d done it for a while as I sipped my morning coffee.
I never used to post my image anywhere. Now I do it a lot.
There’s a sometimes overused platitude that nothing worth having in life ever comes free or is easy to obtain. Whilst I could argue that winning the lottery might just blow that statement out of the water – from the point of view of experiencing true satisfaction in life I think I’d have to agree.
Although I still have some way to go before I’m what I consider to be fully ‘fixed’ (by this I mostly mean ‘at my target weight’) I’ve never felt so vital, so alive, so connected with others or the world around me in my entire life.
There’s a big part of me that automatically feels a little sad about that – because I’m probably already half way through my time on Earth and so far most of it has been wasted.
Like the ‘before’ shot on Instagram much of it was viewed through one kind of haze or another and I never truly lived.
However the optimist in me is in the driving seat today and frankly he’s not having a hard time finding things to be happy about. In terms of the receptacle of life my cup is currently very much half full.
Consequently (although the world may be attempting to freeze skinnier Davey to death) I now feel that everywhere I go I have a place in it. I can sit in its small seats. I can move effortlessly from A to B under my own steam. I can wear its clothes. I feel confident talking to everyone in it that I meet and don’t second guess how they might view me any more. I smile at pretty much everyone I talk to because I have a continual well spring of positivity inside me.
Even my down days are a billion times better than my good ones a couple of years ago.
It comes from knowing what I’ve done and what I’m still doing. Furthermore if people ask about my past or what I had to do to become who I am now I have NO SHAME ANYMORE.
I was massively obese and I regret it profoundly – but I’ve managed to become someone new – and that man is immeasurably better in every way than the moribund mound of sedentary fat that preceded him.
I don’t care who sees the images of the man I was any more.
I previously felt the need to hide who I had been (unless directly asked) because I thought that if new people in my life found out about the life I’d (although living is probably the wrong word) ‘lived’ before they met me that they would think poorly of me.
Now I realise the truth of it.
Who I am now speaks volumes about what I’m capable of and yet always failed to realise or understand in the past.
If by sheer force of will over the course of 18 months I can lose 18 stone of body weight (which is actually almost two of one rather dainty friend glued together) then I’m capable of anything.
That’s an incredibly empowering feeling and it makes me puff up with a sense of pride that I’ve truthfully never fully allowed myself to experience before. In the past I’ve always felt that pride in my achievements would be tantamount to conceit – and because of that I’ve usually buried any happiness related to success or brushed praise aside.
My dainty friend often berates me for this. She’s absolutely right of course (she often is) and I think that it’s time to change this aspect of myself.
Rather than becoming someone who shouts about how great he is and always wants to be the centre of attention (hopefully I’ll never be that guy) I mean instead that I should just accept that I can succeed, that whatever I put my mind to I can do and that in the future I’ll always try to live my life in a better way and be there for the people I love in a way than I was never capable of before.
Of course happiness comes in a variety of forms – and you can find it in a variety of places. It can be spiritual, metaphorical and allegorical – but also transient. Whilst present it can inspire and re-invigorate the soul.
When you find it then it makes you feel warm inside and out.
Sometimes it’s a bit more simple though.
Sometimes it can be found in the new GIANT FLEECY SLIPPERS I JUST BOUGHT!!!