I feel flipping awesome today!
It might be because I’m heavily caffeinated (I’ve been drinking aaaaaaawwwwlllllll the coffee everywhere ☕️) but it’s more likely to be because of people, dogs and weather – all of which seem to be most excellent today.
I’ve spent the morning walking with a friend and ex-colleague from work – and chatting about our shared experiences since we both left the relatively safe and uncomplicated world of employment that we inhabited for the best part of two decades.
It’s amazing how life changes you.
Sometimes the absolute worst moments that hit us (such as being made redundant or the death of a parent in my case) turn out to be positive forces for good that shape the next phases of our development.
Whilst it’s true to say that neither of us have all the answers at the moment – what is obvious is that life has given us both a glimpse of what could be – not what we thought we had to accept.
Whatever we do with that in the future it’s worth remembering on days like today that some people never get to have that change of perspective.
It’s valuable and today I realise that I’m grateful to be at a crossroads in my life. For all the worries I have about what comes next and how I survive financially I also see an equal number of possibilities.
That’s got to be better than feeling bored to death in a job I hate and trapped by my life choices.
- Alfie stops for a dump more than any pooch I’ve ever known. He filled four poo bags.
- He absolutely hates his harness and literally had to be dragged out of his basket and all the way to the front door across a slippery wooden floor before he’d agree to go for walkies.
Last night I did some more talks at another Slimming World consultant’s group in Warwick about weight loss – and one of the women mentioned in our chat at the end that my clothes were too loose and that I should treat myself to a smaller size.
She’s not wrong.
Almost every shirt that I bought for my job a few months ago now looks ridiculously loose and bizarrely I realise that they all now make me feel just as self conscious as my clothes used to back when they were too tight for me.
The problem is that my mentality is still sometimes to buy things that are a bit ‘sack like’ to somehow hide myself in the extra material – but these days maybe that’s just not the way to go.
I’m tucking my shirts in a lot more now (usually depending on how confident I feel on any given day) but I didn’t last night in front of the two groups I spoke to – mostly because I felt a little self conscious in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and people that I didn’t know.
Once again though it seems that my self image differs from other people’s view of me.
I need to get on board with the idea of more ‘fitted’ clothing and stop wearing things because I hope they will cover all my imperfections.
Today therefore is a ‘tucked in day’, wearing a ‘skinny fit’ shirt that I bought a month ago but never wore along with my smallest pair of jeans.
I discovered this morning that these now slowly fall down without my belt, meaning I have yet another item of clothing to replace fairly soon.
In reality I suppose that’s a man in a photo who just looks almost like everyone else now.
I have to get used to that.
I need to get to a point where I can pick some clothing up in a store and just know that it will fit – rather than looking at everything and thinking it needs to be massive.
It’s really difficult though. The more I lose weight the harder it is to gauge everything. The goalposts are always shifting.
Thankfully there are worse problems to have in life – and I’m very grateful that today this relatively inconsequential one is the only thing that’s on my mind – because I’m every other respect I feel like I’m winning.
#onplanoctber continued yesterday – and I’m managing to shave a few calories off each day here and there in the hope that sooner or later I’ll make up for Saturday’s excesses.
- Tub of cottage cheese with onion and chive 176
- 6x small tomatoes 60
- Banana 89
- 4x apples 280
- 100g pickled onions 35
- Green pepper 30
- Romaine lettuce 25
- spoonful of mint sauce 5
- Spoonful whole grain mustard 10
- 15 pitted green olives 60
- Can of tuna in spring water 120
- Can of mackerel in tomato sauce. 190
- 500g grated carrot 210
- 250g natural yogurt 154
- 100g blueberries 43
- 250g frozen Aldi summer fruits 84
- 2x apples
Total calories consumed 1621
- Active/total calories burned 1539/4213
- Cardio minutes 152
- Steps/miles walked 23,629/12.44
So for the rest of the afternoon I’m once again going charity shopping. I’m going to look at the clothes I see with a view to buying things that nearly fit – or fit snugly and that I can work towards – or become comfortable with how they feel and wear anyway.
Wish me luck internet!