It’s Friday – and compared to the last couple of weeks I’m amazed at how time has flown by. Perspective always has a habit of making things seem this way but this time it’s totally down to me and my improved attitude. It’s so easy to slip into a negative mindset and not realise just how dark it is until you look back and realise that you were actually really miserable.
I’m past the point where I think that this is a bad thing though. There’s a profound value in experiencing negative emotion and dealing with self doubt (which has recently been my own personal kryptonite) or other downbeat feelings.
Whilst I used to paper over the cracks of this aspect of myself with one vice or another I don’t any more. I might still stumble – but I now try (thanks in part to insight gained from a certain dancing psychologist friend’s book loan) to explore why I feel that way in the first place and also to let myself experience the bad feelings when they’re there.
Ultimately her book’s advice was spot on. We can’t be happy all the time. True happiness requires an understanding of what it’s like to be miserable occasionally – and it’s not natural to be ecstatic 24×7.
Letting negative feelings wash over you like a wave from time to time is a good thing, because (just like tides of the sea) they will eventually recede again and expose a nice sunny and sandy beach.
I don’t think I’d feel the positivity that I do now (primarily borne from feeling that I’m in control again) if I hadn’t had a while where I felt the opposite way.
A short while ago I was talking to a friend about how I almost had gastric surgery to deal with my weight. Although it was partially the horror of having such a procedure that made me recoil from this course of action (I’ve never had so much as a tooth filling let alone an operation) I’ve realised over the last two years it was more than just that.
Although my change was far from immediate after I decided against this course of action it eventually became vitally important for me to conquer my problems myself, without (as I saw it at the time) ‘being butchered’.
I’ve had too many instances in the past where (in retrospect) I’ve been unable to accept the reality of the work that I needed to put into life to get what I wanted back out of it. In the past I’d always resorted to quick fixes and pursued only half hearted attempts to change.
Sure – I probably could have lost all of the weight with surgery – but would I have felt the same sense of empowerment and accomplishment that I do now after losing seventeen stone with nothing more than healthy eating and a ton of exercise?
Would I feel proud that I’d stopped drinking and that I haven’t touched a drop for 618 days if someone had locked me in a room for the whole time?
I’m not saying that people that people who take the surgery route are wrong to do so though. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another – and you should feel empowered to choose the best course of action for your own circumstances.
I’m just saying that if I didn’t feel finally that I had somehow fundamentally changed as a person and that it wasn’t some external force out of my control that had instead forced change upon me then I don’t think I’d have the certainty that I do now that where I am in life is a permanent state of mind.
I’m 100% sure that I’m never going back to the way that I was before – and whether I have a bad day or week here and there or not the underlying thing that’s different this time around is ME.
It’s my brain that’s made this possible – nothing else – and this is worth more to me than any pile of money because it means that my future possibilities are endless. If I can do something like this, and then continue to do it then why should I have anything but certainty that everything else in life will work out?
Anyway – enough of that.
Lets just say I’m in a positive frame of mind and leave it there!
In other news I’ve gone from having a rather empty calendar for the next two weeks to having one that’s pretty well populated all of a sudden.
Whereas I can usually informally agree to things and be pretty sure that I won’t let anyone down, all of a sudden I’ve overlapped several long standing (largely forgotten) appointments when new things have unexpectedly popped up. It’s resulted in some juggling – but I think I’ve managed to keep all of the balls I have in the air.
It’s nice to be busy though – because all of these appointments are very cool indeed and I’m genuinely looking forward to them.
There may be more on these in future posts, but for now… what has Davey been eating?
It occurred to me that for fellow Slimming World readers I’ve not been listing my ‘synned’ foods – and focusing just on calories (which is not really in the spirit of things) so starting today I’m adding them to my food lists to help anyone reading and keep myself aware of what my intake is.
Totals for Thursday –
- 100g blueberries 43
- 250g frozen Aldi summer fruits 84
- 250g natural yogurt 154
- 500g Aldi ‘Slim Free’ spicy Moroccan stew 155
- 500g grated carrot 210
- Green pepper 30
- 3 tomatoes 45
- Half iceberg lettuce 20
- spoonful of mint sauce 5
- Spoonful whole grain mustard 10
- 15 pitted green olives 60
- Can of tuna in spring water 120
- Can of mackerel in tomato sauce. 190
- Tub of cottage cheese with onion and chive 176
- 44g Aldi dominion rhubarb & custard sugar free sweets 117 (5.5 syns)
- 100g Aldi Fruit & Nut mix (peanuts, raisins, sultanas and almonds) 464 (23 syns)
I know I went way over my syns yesterday (men get 20) but this week I’ve had hardly any or none at all, so I’m not unduly worried about this. Whilst my consultant refers to this as a ‘Flexible Felicity’ day I think I prefer calling it a ‘Bendy Bob‘ one.
I’ve had a 200g bag of Aldi essentials fruit and nut mix in my cupboard since the 20th July – when I bought two of them for climbing Snowdon. I ate the first bag at the top of the mountain – and I’ve resisted the second packet for two and a half months. It contains a lot of calories so it’s remained unmolested….
Until yesterday when 100g of it took a spanking for the team. I’m not sure the 2nd half of it will last quite as long in the cupboard as the first!
I finished the day with another positive set of stats for #onplanoctober
- Total calories consumed 1873 kcal
- 28.5 Syns
- Active/Total calories burned 1214/3896
- Cardio minutes 65
- 16550 steps & 7.86 miles walked
Hope you’re feeling upbeat and dandy internet. I have a good feeling about the weekend ahead!