Since I started blogging it’s not unusual for me to suddenly stop and take a photo of where I am – which I never used to do that much. I find myself often writing opening lines of posts in my head as I walk or playing with the construction of a paragraph that I’m thinking about.
I generally forget these fragile baubles of thought because I am a shocking amnesiac so it’s usually fairly pointless. Much like a crossword or sudoku it’s all just transient mental gymnastics.
I don’t always do this though. A lot of the time I just pour out the contents of my head and see where they take me. It’s often this approach that ends up giving me the most personal insight.
When I AM trying to write something specific that I’ve planned however I find that a photo seems to anchor a thought for me. I’m far more likely to remember what I was thinking at any given moment when I look back at it. It’s why I take so many.
Plus I think they make my posts more interesting.
Today I was thinking about the park I was walking in (Markeaton) with a friend in Derby – and the history regarding some recently unearthed Manor House foundations in the grounds that he’d been sharing with me on the way.
I was wondering whether some background to the whole place (which seemed very nice) would be appropriate for a post and tried to get a shot of the park that would distract from the rather grim and grey skies today and serve as context.
My friend however had different ideas – and despite his otherwise mature demeanour (he’s a far more responsible adult than me) I discovered today that he has a penchant for photobombing.
Honestly I can’t complain. The photo was boring before he decided to enhance it so you’ll all just have to take my word for it that the park was lovely – and that it was full of ducks, trees and interesting rubble.
I think I broke his (usually absent) love 0f walking today though.
By the time we reached the ‘non carbolicious’ pub he’d chosen for us to eat in (to protect my weight loss bless him) after seven miles the poor guy had already been stretched past his normal tolerance levels and was in dire need of food and drink. I have to admit I was pretty peckish too!
My choice today was a garden salad with steak and chicken.
Saturday wasn’t a great day food wise. I ate ‘all the things’ when I got home yesterday evening – and mostly because I couldn’t be bothered with cooking found myself eating snack after snack after snack after snack (after snack).
The cumulative total probably wasn’t all that awful but I was annoyed that I hadn’t bothered to make a proper meal like I should have.
Today therefore is an SP day – which in Slimming World terms means speed food (basically non carb veg) and protein only. This may sound a little harsh – but just ignoring that I ate too much yesterday won’t equal weight loss tomorrow – and I’d rather not step on the scales expecting a kicking next Saturday.
Although I was a little tired before lunch, unlike my companion I could have walked and talked for the rest of the day or until I was on my knees if it meant more progress toward understanding what my next step in life was going to be.
We both discussed a lot of possibilities during our parkland exploration and so far I have plenty of ideas – but at the moment there’s nothing jumping out at me as a firm favourite.
As I drove home to Warwick after our meal and chat there were therefore a number of thoughts on my mind about what I’d be doing during the coming week to move forward. I may have given up my job but I refuse to be a bum that stays in bed late and doesn’t do something to progress in life.
I promised myself last week that on top of lots of exercise next week I’d be reading – and I’d be diving into the kind of texts I traditionally have an utter distaste for.
Self help books.
Those that know me will already have heard that the root of this lies in one place – and it’s centred upon the irritatingly square jawline of someone that makes me grind my teeth every time I see his face.
Honestly I know that this is completely irrational. He’s probably a nice guy and I’ve never even read one of his books – but I can’t get past how I feel – and I’m not sure I ever want to (apologies to some who are near and dear to me that I know think the absolute opposite).
However – despite my unwillingness to budge on my ‘no Robbins‘ mantra (this also applies to ice cream) I must accept that my ‘no self-help books’ rule probably doesn’t do me any favours when I’m searching for answers.
It’s time therefore to budge.
For this reason I found myself in Waterstones yesterday standing in front of a large shelf of such publications and trying to find one that I liked amongst a bewildering sea of eye catching book spines.
The only common theme among them seemed to be that their titles all appeared to bear little relation to their subject matter and it seemed impossible to choose by tagline alone.
It also appeared to be impossible to physically reach the books – as a woman (it seemed very much in the right place and browsing for the appropriate subject matter) noticed me over her shoulder and moved to block me from reaching the shelf.
As I moved closer to the books she responded and moved into the shelving, covering more of the books and turning her face slightly away from me – pretending not to notice my presence. I moved away, also pretending to look elsewhere and she stepped back, away from the books.
I thumbed a title on a ‘sale’ stand behind her – feigning temporary interest in ‘The Life of Pi’ and then gradually moved back around to the (now clear) right side of the small shelf.
Deftly she noticed my returning presence (It must be my new alluring Lynx body spray) and moved in again to block me – once more pretending to read the same book.
After a short while of us both engaging in this silent and very odd book blocking ballet I realised that I was now wondering less about what I needed and more about what specifically she was looking for help with, because it definitely seemed to be a pressing concern.
I decided to leave rather than confront.
Then – just as I was going – something caught my eye. I’d seen it in the shop window some weeks before – but now, all of a sudden, being the only title left within reach it was like I was being herded toward it.
Maybe it was meant to be.
You have to start somewhere.
I must hurriedly point out that I currently have no-one in my life that I don’t want to spend time with – but I would like to know how to worry less about what I think I ‘should‘ be doing and find a way of living a life where I do something I want to do rather than a life filled with things I don’t want to do, so I procured a copy.
Who knows. Maybe I’ve just fallen for the magic of a clever title and will find little substance within.
Only lots of coffee and reading will be able to determine this. Book report to follow internet.