I’m hideously early for my job interview, I haven’t slept much due to thinking endlessly about it and the weather is absolutely awful. I’m also soaked and my car is parked in a place where I may have a ticket by the time I get back.
However I’m in an oddly good mood.
I awoke this morning to several texts from people wishing me all the best and other blog related comments from readers (old and new) on various posts that put a smile on my face.
As I sit in reception with my big yellow visitor’s badge (it has a HUGE ‘V’ on it) hanging around my neck watching the minutes tick by I’m actually still thinking about yesterday’s post.
At the time I wrote it with one particular friend in mind – but it seems to have resonated with many others as well – and once again I find sitting quietly in my various inboxes confirmation that fundamentally people are good. If you send positive vibrations out into the world then they tend to come back like boomerangs.
In the case of blogging it’s often deferred though – and people will read things that you wrote quite a while ago – when you may have been in a different mental space.
The consequence of this is that when you least expect it (and often when you are most in need of it) someone will say something positive and maybe even mention that they feel the same or that you’ve helped their own journey by sharing your thoughts.
I was reading and commenting on one lady’s musings on weight loss yesterday (you have to give support to others as much as you can) and her heartfelt, fragile feelings poured onto the page managed to take me right back to the start of writing my own blog – and the fears that I had of the unknown.
She didn’t know who she should tell in her family and friend circles about her weight loss plans and was agonising over an important and life changing decision. I felt exactly the same when I began – and her words brought back all of my own memories of the moment before I clicked ‘publish’ for the first time.
What would people say when I exposed my innermost feelings? How much abuse would I get? How humiliating would it be? Would they judge me? Would I be trolled?
Furthermore – why was I throwing myself willingly into what I expected was going to be a bear pit online when I already regularly received verbal abuse in public?
Completely unexpectedly 99.9999% of everything to do with my blog has resulted in nothing but positivity and friendship – and before I go into my first job interview since December 2000 (which is pretty scary) almost nine and a half stone lighter than I was I’m reminded of all the good that’s come from the choices in my life lately.
Being honest about who I am and what I feel to a wide audience has become one of the best things that I’ve ever done in my life. It’s as simple as that. Whatever happens in the next hour or so I am moving forward all the time. Every day gets a little better, even if sometimes it feels like it’s millimetre by millimetre.
Apart from having to wear a tie. I haven’t done that for a decade or more. It just feels odd. I haven’t made my mind up about THAT yet….
(Time for my interview… Please amuse yourselves in the meantime with this rare picture of me captured in the wild wearing a silk strangler. Cue elevator music.)
Well – the interview seemed to go well – and for the most part I think I managed not to embarrass myself in front of the guys who were asking the questions.
As this was my first experience of a competency based interview I have to say I feel I repeated myself a few times – and I’m not 100% certain that I answered all of their queries satisfactorily, but you never know. They seemed like nice people anyway so the experience if nothing else serves to remove some of the fear of the unknown that’s been in the back of my head regarding the whole process of job hunting.
The building was surprisingly nice too. I’ve been working in very different surroundings for quite a while. This office in contrast to my previous one was very modern with a massive central atrium and loads of natural light with glass conference rooms and shiny lifts. I couldn’t help thinking that it would have made a great place for a selfie – but I doubt that hanging over the balcony taking one would have endeared me to a potential employer. I resisted.
So – we shall see.
In the meantime I am COVERED in black fluff. A thoughtful and already much loved Christmas present from a friend managed (before I realised what was happening) to shed black fleecy fluff all over my house, which in turn ended up all over the interior lining of my jacket and soft furnishings.
I tried to remove it all with a lint roller and the hoover the night before last – and thought I’d managed it – but it appears not. Thankfully I didn’t take my jacket off in the interview otherwise they’d have noticed that my shiny new white shirt was absolutely caked in black fur!
This evening therefore I’m on fluff patrol, and will do my level best to eradicate the scourge of fleecy dust bunnies from my house and clothes.
I’m sure you’ll agree I live a rock n roll lifestyle. I amaze myself sometimes at just how on the edge and dynamic I can be!
Tune in next week internet while I clear crumbs from my work surfaces with a damp cloth, and polish my dusty window ledge. It’s gonna be a blast!!!