It’s very early days for my job search but I’m already becoming increasingly aware that it’s going to be a big test of mental fortitude.
Since I started looking for work I’ve been trying to regiment myself so that I do something each day towards finding something but I’ve found it very hard to look at job vacancy after job vacancy and focus on the things that I feel I CAN do as opposed to the things I can’t.
When I was first made redundant it seemed to me that it wasn’t such a big deal. In my mind’s eye I looked back to the jobs I did as a younger man and I didn’t really see any issues with doing pretty much anything to make ends meet.
In the past I’ve done a variety of things many might consider menial jobs, but at the time – regardless of their sometimes repetitive nature I rather enjoyed the majority of them (even though they didn’t pay very well). I’ve been a barman several times, worked on a supermarket checkout, been a warehouseman, stacked shelves, unloaded articulated lorries, photocopied (and accidentally shredded) architecture plans, cleaned houses, sold internet services, sold PC’s, made cold calls (which was my most hated job – I left it with nothing to go to) delivered newspapers, been a pub doorman (very very briefly and I was terrified) and cared for people with learning difficulties.
In my mind this meant that I really wasn’t concerned with what earned me money – I was prepared just to get on with it. The problem was that I hadn’t really thought too much back then about what this REALLY entailed.
Uniforms for one thing.
I can’t get in to anything lower than a 5XL at the moment. While getting down to this is a massive achievement in itself (since I started at 8XL) it doesn’t help me when it comes to thinks like being a postman.
Those that know me from my previous job may think that when I say postman I’m being flippant – as it’s very different to what I used to do. However when a friend suggested it to me not so long ago it kind of lodged in my brain. I realised I could now actually do a job that meant constant exercise and get paid to stay fit! It sounded absolutely perfect! I looked immediately at the Royal Mail website when he said it.
Nothing but seasonal sorting staff.
It was then that the uniform question first occurred to me. When I worked at Sainsburys years ago this was already becoming an issue – and I lost count of the number of pairs of trousers that ripped right up to the belt seam from crotch to butt when I was bending over to pick up a box.
I also have a problem at my current weight with the ligament in my left thigh. It’s fine if I keep moving (which is one of the reasons why I like walking) but if I stand still in one place for too long it’s agony. This not only rules out being seasonal sorting staff but irritatingly also bar work, where I may not have needed a uniform.
This all leads me full circle back to the kind of job I did before (in an office) which is better paid than all of the above, and uses my brain rather than my legs. However, trying to find something in the area that I want and the location that I would like may be a challenge.
There is though something locally I’m very interested in and I’ve already contacted the people to enquire twice. If I hear nothing soon I’m calling them to introduce myself and trying to get a foot in the door. It’s easily within walking distance and I could do the job (from what I can see online) standing on my head.
It’s also close enough to walk home and let a dog out at lunchtime, which opens up entirely new life possibilities…
In other news my shin splints appear to be on the mend. I haven’t felt pain for a couple of days now, but I’m trying to be sensible about the whole thing and keep resting. Honestly though I very much doubt I’m going to manage a whole two weeks. I’ve agreed to go for a walk on Thursday not because I have to but because I really really need to.
While talking to a friend today I questioned how I ever managed to be upbeat and happy in my old life. Maybe in retrospect when I was it was all artifice or self delusion…
Currently I’m so itchy to NOT stay within the confines of my home that my day quickly becomes a failure in my head if I don’t get up and do something. My mood has become directly related to how often I get out and what I do while I’m out there. Simply sitting in my living room is no longer enough and I don’t want it to ‘satisfy’ me ever again.
Despite how temporarily deflated looking for work can make me feel I have to look at my feelings of dissatisfaction about the content of my day as major progress. Everything that I want to do in life (and am looking forward to doing) requires further change, more impetus, continued effort, lifelong commitments and a willingness to improve myself in almost every respect.
I can’t help but focus primarily on my health though – and my diabetes is something that is always in the back of my head. I’ve seen quite a few grim documentaries lately (a recent BBC Panorama programme was particularly horrible) about the long term effects of a badly managed type 2 condition. They frankly leave me feeling terrified.
My results have been good though and I’ve already stopped taking my Glimepiride (with the doctor’s approval).
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve also been dropping down on alternate days from four to two Metformin (I’m supposed to have two in the AM and two in the PM) and wondering what if anything it would do to my blood sugar readings.
The answer so far is absolutely nothing. ‘Normal’ is between four and seven mm0l/L and today I’m testing at 4.6.
The chart above is from the diabetes.co.uk pages – which are a very useful resource of information on the condition (here). This current number is still putting me well below the levels at which (if I was unmedicated) I would be diagnosed as diabetic.
I’m sure if I stopped the pills altogether there would be a different result – but I want to see exactly how much I need in combination with my improved diet and exercise to remain stable and in the ‘normal’ range.
So, while getting a job may be a pain in the ass in the short term, in the long term at least I can be
- 19% less likely to suffer cataracts
- 16% less likely to suffer heart failure
- 43% less likely to suffer amputation or death due to peripheral vascular disease
All of which would make finding suitable employment INFINITELY harder…
So – today has been all about keeping my eye on the prize and remembering the bigger picture, especially when the fridge is constantly soooooo close that I can almost smell its contents.
Hopefully tomorrow I might get a reply from an employer internet – who knows! If not tomorrow I’m sure it will be soon. 🙂