Despite a lengthy walk yesterday I was unable to sleep properly last night, and as my head hit the pillow I realised that my mind was full of (amongst other things) thoughts about how much of a loss this week’s weigh in would bring. But something else was also dogging my thoughts.
For some strange reason yesterday several women I had seen brought back memories of my mother as they’d walked past me in Birmingham.
Something in their facial features or way they walked or smoked a cigarette had reminded quite out of the blue that she was no longer alive. Although I didn’t feel ‘upset’ in the conventional sense one associates with bereavement it had made me very reflective and preoccupied later in the evening.
My mind was full of thoughts that I didn’t want to be dwelling upon, but they were there nevertheless.
Despite my attempts to divert my attention I’d been unconsciously thinking about elements of her face – and how for one day in several instances they had seemed to belong to other, oblivious ladies passing me on the street.
The anniversary of her death co-incides for a variety of reasons with the anniversary of when I started to try and ‘fix’ myself, and sometimes when I focus intently on how far I’ve come with self improvement I can’t help but think of the other, more upsetting aspect of its genesis.
I tossed and turned in bed until in the end I couldn’t take it any more and got up to watch TV. That turned into watching ‘Steve Jobs’ (the rather dour biopic piece about the Apple founder played by Michal Fassbender) and then random things on YouTube in the hope that something would step up and bore me enough to make me fall asleep.
By the time 4am arrived (my alarm was set for 7.30) I was convinced that regardless of what I wanted sleep would not happen and I’d just have to power through, so I started reading.
Then fell asleep immediately.
When I awoke it was to my alarm clock – which hasn’t happened for a while. Normally I’ve been awake and ready before it’s had to give me a nudge, and it wasn’t welcome. I stabbed at the snooze button on my phone.
It doesn’t help that my phone alarm tone is set to ‘Kungs vs Cookin on three burners – This Girl’.
This catchy track also features in my walking playlist AND should I ever need it my ‘nod off’ playlist. Sadly it seems because of this my brain doesn’t quite know what to do with it.
This morning it chose the path of least resistance, which was to go back to sleep.
When I finally woke up therefore I was in a bit of a rush. I’d agreed earlier in the week to attend the 8.30 weigh in this morning so I could meet some of the ladies from the earlier group. Lots of them have commented very supportively on my posts in our SW Facebook forum in the past and it was time to put some faces to the names.
I almost took the car (it’s been raining all morning) but then mentally slapped myself and grabbed the umbrella out of the boot instead. Walking is the best way to wake up, feel better, and loose weight. Plus every little bit helps toward my goal!
When I arrived at my usual destination it was immediately a bit of a culture shock.
The 8.30 meeting was was a LOT busier than the 10.30 group, and full of people that looked vaguely familiar from their Facebook pictures – but not quite enough that I could confidently walk up and introduce myself.
Thankfully lots of them were saying hello and welcoming me – and there were a few I already knew well.
I’m not sure I was anywhere near as awake as I should have been for meeting a bunch of ladies for the (sort of) first time, so I apologise to those who were there if I looked a bit sleepy!
I stood in the (lengthy) line waiting for the scales after signing in and chatted a little with the women in the queue while I waited. They were all lovely and talked about their own journeys and shared how the week had been with each other.
Like my usual 10.30 group they’re all networking and pushing each other to achieve more as a team, which is really really nice to see. This group has a big bunch of park walkers that meet once a week in the evenings. They seemed a very committed bunch with a LOT of energy.
It was still a weird feeling weighing in with them though – as I realised (particularly when I stood on the scales and my usual weigh in lady wasn’t looking up at me with her usual chirpy grin) how much I’ve gotten used to the familiar faces in my own group.
We all watch each other really closely when we go through this particular part of the weekly gauntlet and I’ve noticed that I’ve become attuned to the ups and downs in people’s expressions both before and after they stand on the scales.
You can pretty much tell now how people think they’ve done as soon as they step through the doors.
No-one (unless they run off!) gets away without some supportive chatter if they look crestfallen in my group and as I’ve said before I now go to the 10.30 session just as much for the guys there as I go for myself.
This earlier session was no different from what I could see (and the weigh in lady no less smiley) but I also wondered what would happen to the 10.30 chaps.
The scales were thankfully kind to me and I managed a 3lb weight loss this week.
Honestly I wanted to lose a little more as the two previous weeks were a little slow – but a win is a win, and for the last two months I’ve been lighter every week than I was the week before.
I’m also a little bit closer to my next weight loss goal – the 6st Mangrove Jack boat trailer, but I feel it’s going to take a few weeks yet, and my interim goal (hopefully in the next 2 weeks at the most) is my five and a half stone certificate. I have another 3.5lbs to go.
My increased exercise does NOT immediately equal increased weight loss from what I can see. However – that’s no bad thing, as it still equals inch loss and promotes a general feeling of wellbeing and positivity.
After the 8.30 group filed out I thought I’d sit and wait for the 10.30 people and see how they’d done, so I made myself another coffee and sat back down.
Today there were some new faces, and some that hadn’t been around for a while – but all of them were doing really well to either face up to some mistakes, or to celebrate successes. One lady on her second week had lost 7.5lbs and received her half a stone award.
It’s true that nothing tastes as good as success, and watching her face as she sat next to me made staying the extra hour and a half completely worth it.
Another regular arrived a little later in a swanky pair of blue jeans, and proudly proclaimed that she wasn’t really all that fussed about how much she’d lost as they had not fitted her for a couple of years. She’s the smiley sort anyway – but today she was grinning from ear to ear, and it was lovely to see.
So – although I got up at the last minute, felt knackered and probably didn’t come across at my best today I felt rather good walking home in the rain at midday.
I met a lot of very nice new people, absorbed all of their positive energy, and then also got to sit and listen to all the other snippets of good news with some of my regular buddies.
Honestly, then I came home, had some breakfast and then fell asleep for four hours, so if you’ve logged on today expecting further exciting adventures and escapades from the tubby avenger sadly I’ll have to disappoint you.
Unless that is you wish to hear a loving essay on the alluring curves and sensual nature of my pillow.
No? You surprise me. It’s a shame. She’s puuurdy.
However, if sleep did nothing else it made me realise that my mild disappointment with what is a very respectable weight loss was purely down to feeling tired.
Now I feel wide awake, and a selfie that I took in the Leamington Pump Room Museum earlier this week (shortly after being judged by an evil pigeon) now seems quite appropriate to my mood.
Have a lovely Saturday internet – I’m going to go and tidy my house up and find something to do for the evening.