I mentioned to a Slimming World companion while walking about a week ago that I’d woken up early one morning a few days before with a word on the tip of my tongue.
It was’t a real word, in fact I’d made it up whilst somewhere between sleeping and being awake – but it reflected what was going on at that moment in time and my obvious unconscious amazement.
The word was ‘ambisleptstrous‘.
Very early on in my blog I was writing about all the awful things I felt I’d done to myself, and how many things I had wrong with me. The catharsis caused by my avalanche of honesty (and corresponding lack of condemnation by those that read my confessions) was driving me to tell the world about things that I had kept to myself and been embarrassed about for a very long time.
As well as more obvious outwardly visible limitations I had also been very conscious that my extreme weight was causing profound sleeping difficulties – but I had kept the severity of it to myself.
Over the years as I got heavier I had been reduced to sleeping in only two positions. If I slept any other way I snored so loudly I hurt myself (I’m not joking) and suddenly woke up. If I slept on my back or on my right side I couldn’t breathe at all and woke up in a panic – quite literally suffocating.
The only way I could sleep in bed was on my left side – or sitting upright in an armchair. It had become depressingly normal to me – despite the obvious absurdity of the situation when I write it down and read it back to myself.
As I woke up the other day with this new word rattling around my head I suddenly realised that I was on my right side, facing the wall in my bedroom.
What the hell?!
I quickly turned onto my left side in a small panic, still half awake – but then I realised what had happened. I had been sleeping without snoring and I’d been breathing. I hadn’t woken up because I was suffocating – I’d woken up because I wasn’t tired any more.
All of a sudden I was ambisleptstrous – I could sleep on both sides!!!
I wasn’t entirely sure whether this was a one off, so over the last couple of weeks I’ve been gingerly testing the water, and bit by bit realised that while it’s still not 100% ideal I can now sleep in three positions.
Flat on my back is still off limits for the time being but I don’t mind. Currently I’m too preoccupied with all of the good things that appear to be changing for the better.
Take this evening for example. I’m in the park. By now this won’t come as a surprise to anyone. I’m here a lot lately.
What’s a surprise to me is that my car is still parked outside my house and that I walked here BEFORE doing any laps. Afterwards I’ll walk home again.
I’m also here to meet my friend and his family – and I’m acutely aware that I wouldn’t have done that before either.
Sure I’d have keep in contact and met up – they’re great friends after all, but it would have to be on my terms. We wouldn’t be on common ground like this where his kids can play on the swings and we can walk by the river.
Furthermore I don’t have to worry whether we’re going to stroll around the park or watch his girls enjoy the playground – in fact I never even asked what the plan was.
Normally I’d be obsessing over it and trying to plan exits or seats in my head.
Hell – previously I’d have probably worried about it so much in advance I’d have cancelled it altogether – if by some amazing convergence of circumstance I had even arranged it in the first place.
And I wouldn’t have taken this photo 😄
Anyway Internet – I must get on with my evening and enjoy the company of others. Catch you later, after a walk and some equally balanced pillow surfing.