The park this morning was a tough sell when my alarm went off at 5.30am. Although I didn’t really need to get up that early today I’d forgotten to re-set my wake up reminder to an hour or so later.
I looked out of the window and it had been raining (with the threat of more to come) but since I was already awake I decided that I might as well take advantage of the morning and got out of bed.
There was also the fact that I’d actually been asleep for almost 12 hours to consider – and if I stayed there any longer I might begin to become forever bonded with my pillow and need pioneering surgery to remove it.
As I find is often the way with me – for pretty much every moment I feel a flush of success there’s usually a corresponding moment shortly after where I realise I feel down. Sometimes, it’s related to sleep, sometimes its circumstance, but at other times it’s almost like I must experience a low mood to enjoy a high one.
I felt like this yesterday and I still felt like it when I woke up.
I don’t for a minute think that this is a psychological condition or an illness. I’m not teetering on the brink of anything – I just think it’s life. You simply cannot be happy all of the time, and feeling a bit glum is just a fact of life occasionally. It’s what you do with that emotion that makes the difference.
All I need is to do something positive, and exercise is positive.
This morning the park wasn’t the place to spread cheer however. Everyone I met seemed consumed by their own thoughts and intent on staring at the floor, so it was difficult to smile at anyone or say hello, which is how I normally try to cheer myself up.
The weather didn’t help. It was spitting with rain and the sky was dull and cloudy. For me this isn’t really an issue – cool air means less discomfort, and clouds mean no sun tan lotion. It’s actually a bit of a win (unless you factor in wet benches and soggy bottoms).
There’s one particularly tough nut that’s so far proving tough to crack in the park though.
I’ve concluded that an elderly Indian lady who wears a dark salwar kameez that I’ve seen a lot on her own recently REALLY doesn’t seem to like talking to people. She’s ignored all my nods, smiles and hello’s over the last few days. Today she was joined by her husband, walking a few strides in front. He also wasn’t interested in acknowledging me – or it seemed his wife.
As I watched them as they appeared to do two circuits of the park seemingly without saying a word to anyone or each other.
It’s a beautiful thing to be in the presence of someone you’re so in tune with that there are moments where you can just exist in the same space without the need for conversation. However I don’t think that this was an example of that. I think they just don’t enjoy each other’s company.
I may be wrong. Appearances can be deceptive.
There are times when I think about the possibility of finding another partner in the future (I’m still no-where near ready) but when I see things like this it makes me wonder whether I want to ever risk experiencing a bad relationship ever again. While the highs are wonderful when it works, there are few feelings worse than being stuck in one that doesn’t – especially when the person you’ve probably started to fall out of love with is around you all the time.
I suppose it’s the possibility of all the bad things that can happen that stops me from experiencing all the good that can come out of a relationship – which is almost certainly the wrong way to look at it. It’s hard to come around to a different perspective on this though – but I guess one day I’m going to have to try.
Anyway – today is NOT about feeling sorry for myself or being glum. It’s now been six months since I started my journey of self improvement, and as well as my weight loss I’ve not had any alcohol for 182 days.
That’s definitely cause for (non-alcoholic) celebration!
Last Saturday Angie informed the group that a 250ml glass of strong wine had been up-rated from 11.5 to 12 syns by the all knowing Slimming World guru that sits on top of Skinnybottom Mountain in continual contemplation of foodstuffs.
There were a lot of horrified expressions in the room as people watched another half a syn evaporate in front of them. A quick mental calculation of my own suggested that I was now saving myself around 108 syns per evening and around £11.50 a day compared to where I was just before my mother died.
The six month anniversary of that is tomorrow – and wherever possible I’m still trying to think only good thoughts in her memory. Sometimes it’s difficult though. When I consider what we shared in life there was so little common ground that it was at times impossible to hold any kind of conversation.
The other day though while scanning old photos I found one rather innocuous one that made me stop and smile.
She too liked birds. She loved watching them, and often painted them as well. She was taking pictures of swanlings way before I was born, so maybe on some level that connects us – and I will take that and put it out into the world as my happy thought about her. We shared a love of swans, and both enjoyed walking in the park.
So – there we go internet. A walk round the park, an anniversary, and a positive memory to start the day.
Whatever you’re doing, if you’re feeling a bit down, just take a moment to sit and think about the good things in your life. Sometimes they may be well hidden – but they are always there. There is always something to be thankful for and smile about.
If not then here’s a picture of an impossibly cute teeny tiny Chewbacca that turned up on Facebook the other day and left me grinning from ear to ear!