Pigeon sex

I didn’t sleep well.

It’s my own fault – I had (thanks in large part to my newly discovered bottomless cup policy on Starbucks’ filter coffees) a turbulent few hours of broken and largely pointless pillow fluffing and examination of the inside of my eyelids.

This lasted until about 4.30am when I finally decided sleep was impossible.

I elected instead to get up.

As I climbed out of bed I noticed that the act of rising in the morning was becoming quicker, and that despite my tiredness I felt ever so slightly more sprightly.

This is of course all relative – and after looking at a height and weight chart with my dad online yesterday (whilst discussing his first Slimmg World meeting) I realised that in order to reach what would be considered ‘normal’ I will have to shed over 20 stone.

I have a long way to go before I’m skipping in and out of the shower and vaulting off the toilet in the morning .

However – for the moment at least I’m viewing this as something that’s obtainable – just a bit further away than some things. It’s not my immediate goal therefore. There are many bite sized chunks needed in order to get reach this.

With this in mind (and after commenting yesterday on a friendly fellow blogger’s site about exercise got me thinking that I should do more) I decided to try and go for a walk.

I’m honestly a bit scared about hurting myself as I’ve mentioned before – and this combined with a bit of lardy laziness has stopped me from pushing myself too much. I had decided to let it happen naturally and focus on my healthy eating.

Well today all the birds were ALL out (the noisy little f*****s were practically singing hymns on my windowsill) and it was a nice morning. I was awake and feeling a bit more lively.

How more ‘natural‘ could I hope for?

St Nicholas park is not too far from me and it’s absolutely FILLED with benches. It would be a nice place to start the day with a podcast and a coffee.

I spent a while stretching my calf muscles in the kitchen whilst I filled my flask with  caffeine and realised that I have never before written about, thought of, or participated in the act of stretching anything – except maybe in relation to the truth about how much I’ve eaten and exercised in the past. This too was progress.

I closed the lid on my coffee flask with an odd burny feeling in my lower extremities and headed to the car.

When I arrived at the park I noticed that the previous occupant of the parking bay next to mine was clearly a civic minded individual, and was doing all they could to ensure continued employment for Warwickshire waste management employees. They had contributed to this laudable aim by leaving behind all of the waste from their car when they vacated the area.

As well as several empty cans of Strongbow they had deposited a completely full pottycomplete with infant jobbie – and 3 soiled nappies surrounded liberally with at least 20 cigarette butts.

Since the park looked otherwise pristine (and completely deserted) I elected to ignore the prior presence of the Jeremy Kyle fan club and continue with my walk.

I found after a couple of stops that I could do about 150 metres between benches, which was perfectly fine as they’re not in short supply at this location. By the time I reached each of them the main area of aches and pains was oddly my butt cheeks, which appeared to be throbbing like crazy, unlike my calves which were just fine thanks to my previous preparation.

I had time (in the 50 odd minutes it took me to make my way around the park from bench to bench) to listen to a couple of Radio 4 podcasts. The Friday night comedy for the last two weeks was the News quiz with Miles Jupp (which I love) and was genuinely funny this week, so it really took my mind off my aching bum.

This humorous tranquility was only interrupted at the 3/4 way round mark by the unusually loud sound of what appeared initially to be a fight in a tree – but instead turned out to be a particularly vigorous session of pigeon sex.

I tried not to pay attention…

The enthusiastic shagging went on for a while as the branches of the tree were swaying back and forth like crazy.

Mrs Pigeon either liked it rough or Mr Pigeon wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Due to my burning bottom I was temporarily powerless to do anything but sit and imagine the sheer volume of fertilised eggs that would result from this early morning humping whilst it’s participants continued energetically for an uncomfortably long time directly above my head.

Eventually the avian lovers were satisfied with their efforts, finally said their goodbyes and flew off in different directions.

Both, it appeared had their own post coital park benches to defacate on and were not interested in long term relationships. This morning’s session appeared to be no more than a passing fancy.

I moved on, looking at the flowers and plants and thought to myself how many things like this I’ve missed lately and what a shame it was that most of my view of the outside world had come from a car or office window.

I’ve not stopped to listen to nature or look at its shades of light and colour in the early morning for years – and it was a nice time of the year to start again.

Anyway, I’m back home now & I have to attempt at least 40 winks because I’m finally feeling a bit sleepy. Hopefully I’ll get a teensy tiny bit of shut eye!

Have fun in the outdoors Internet – and enjoy your morning 😄👍🏽

Davey

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4 comments

  1. Haha it must have been so awkward to have that happen directly above your head. But well done for going outside and going for that walk! I am glad to read that you were able to enjoy it without injuring yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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