Face Facts

Ok – I think I need to face facts. I’m doing something wrong.

I stepped on the Slimming World (SW) scales again today and they showed half a pound off.

Now I know its half off– but in my head I’ve had a SECOND week where I feel I’ve been good and I’ve not got the results that I wanted.

This time, despite being once again angry and resentful at the injustice of it all I had promised myself that I wouldn’t make a knee jerk jerk out of myself by leaving immediately and instead stayed to the meeting.

Angie had sent a text out before group to say that this week it was an open forum where we could discuss what ailed us – any success stories or just talk about where we struggled.

I wasn’t really in the mood for shouting out. Although it was half off this week I am still grinding my teeth about the one and a half on last week. I feel I still owe myself a pound and more.

So, this week I started to make notes, and try to be honest with myself. I need to know what I’m doing wrong and fix it before I start getting despondent and going back to old habits. Honestly I’ve felt very low this week and I haven’t been able to adequately turn my mood around.

So – what did I learn in today’s meeting?

  1. Drink Water. If i’m honest this has been a real PITA and I’ve strayed off doing this recently. I’ve been having a lot of fluids, but not water. I’ve been drinking coffee like it was about to imminently disappear from the planet.
  2. Anything that’s a ‘free’ food needs to have a ‘speed’ food with it. This is a big one for me, and looking back at my diary of food I’ve eaten a lot of foods like ham or fish on their own as a snack, without any veg. This is a big no-no and I’ve not paid enough attention to this aspect of the diet. It still has a calorific value even if its a ‘free’ food, so i can’t eat it endlessly without consequence.
  3. Estimating rather than weighing or measuring food. I’ve been guesstimating items like oats and milk, along with other meal ingredients and it has to stop. I bought some batteries on e-bay for my digital scales and this week I’m going to be the anal king of weighing stuff. I’ll be so tight you’d be able to twist off a bottle cap with my butt cheeks.
  4. Read the Slimming World book from cover to cover. This I’ve not done. I’ve dipped in and out and if I’m honest I’ve not done this primarily because of point 5. I’m so terrified I’ll read something that highlights this subject that I avoided it. I’m going to read the book from front to back.
  5. Portion Control. This is a MASSIVE issue for me and i’ve been avoiding addressing it. It’s almost as bad for me mentally as giving up drinking. The thought of addressing it fills me with dread, but I can’t put it off any longer. If I don’t then I’ll completely sabotage myself.

I have the next week off work, and I aim try and stick to all of the above. Work had been getting to me a bit lately (the mood in the office about the future hasn’t been a positive one) and I have eaten more when my mood has dipped (free food without speed, not crap).

On the plus side at the moment my blood sugar levels are in the best shape they’ve been since I was diagnosed as type two diabetic (down to 9.4 on my testing kit from 14-15 shortly after I gave up alcohol but before joining SW), so despite the lack of weight loss I have proof right in front of me that cooking everything from scratch is having a positive impact to my health.

Anyway – we’ll see how all that goes and whether this improves my overall state of mind.

I’ll try and document my mood and feelings, regardless of what they are.

Finally, I’m not a huge fan of photos of myself. I know they’re increasingly a fact of life these days, and what I see isn’t necessarily what others see. They (as I do) take pictures of people they like in an attempt to remember happy moments, so I don’t say no or complain when someone wants to take my photo.

But I rarely want to look at them.

The photos people take of me these days aren’t lies. They don’t add 10lbs as the saying goes – they just show me as I am at the moment, and thats more than bad enough.

It’s true that I don’t really like the person that I am (physically for the most part) at the moment, but I think it’s healthy to keep looking at images of myself, and try and see how others might see me instead of how I view myself.

My sister in law is never far from a camera and she has a nice eye for candid portrait pictures. While we were in Starbucks the other week she took this one of me – which I like from the point of view of the quality of the composition – but don’t like because of how I look.

IMG_5452.jpg

All I see at the moment is a fat man.

If I try hard I can appreciate that he appears to have a kind face and eyes. He’s also got a cheerful demeanour and underneath the weight has potential, but it’s really hard to see the positives.

And no – I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m just being honest about how it makes me feel, and trying to give myself a break.

In the spirit of sharing things that embarrass me I’m including it in my post, instead of hiding it in a dark vault and forgetting about it.

Today is all about being honest with myself so it seems appropriate.

Davey

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8 comments

  1. Think of it this way: you made the first step to start cooking healthy and you should be proud of that. The first step is always the hardest. Now you can start to implement the program in its entirety. Just drinking enough water can already change a lot! So make sure to drink enough.
    Also, for some people their body needs to get used to this whole diet thing. It just gets a bit disoriented, so they do not immediately lose as much weight as they want. My mom had the same thing.
    I can relate to the problem with pictures: I, myself, avoid them when I can. My profile pic is one of the… 3? pictures that I actually like. So, I suppose the weight loss journey is for many of us also a journey towards self acceptance :). Why not make some full body pictures of yourself so you can track progress as you lose weight? That’s how I am trying to get myself to be less hard on myself, and to potentially even like having my picture taken.
    Good luck on your journey. πŸ™‚ You can do this!

    Like

    1. Thanks for the kind words – it’s always nice to know someone else is on the same journey and that they think the same things!

      Not sure I’m ready for full body photography yet though lol.

      Watch this space πŸ˜„ x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, yes I guess it might be a bit of a bit of a big hurdle to take right of the bat. ^__^” Just do what you feel good doing. ^^ Good luck and I will definitely check your blog in future.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Have to say its a great picture Dave. As for the weight loss thing, its not going to be some perfect graph falling away as the pounds drop, it will Tate, but the over all trend will be weight loss if you keep up the good . Its bound to be a long hard slog but your body will thank you for it I’m sure. (Tate = fluctuate but this shitty bloody windows tablet won’t let be back space) and the word ‘good’ should be after the word work … nope wrong way round and I still can’t back space. Any way keep it up you are doing great. Now signing off to teach this tablet a Eason it will nevever forget…. Eason =lesson …. duck me!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha – on the bright side at least I don’t have a Windows tablet πŸ˜„

      Perspective is a truly wonderful thing lol!

      (I pressed backspace several times during the composition of this reply)

      Like

  3. Dave, you look awesome, I don’t see a fat man in the picture, I just see the amazing you smiling which is what everyone else sees as well! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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