Well I did it – After much deliberation, and not a small degree of fear I (in my early forties) just handed in my notice at work this morning with nothing to go to after 15 years unbroken employment.
I live on my own, have a mortgage, no dependants and no idea what to do next with my career or life in the long term.
It feels like an appropriate watershed moment to start writing a blog, so here I go. So – why did I just give up my job?
Well honestly I had become terminally bored with doing the same thing day in day out for a large multinational telecommunications company & despaired at the constant cost saving, downsizing, business speak and corporate buzzwords. I had begun to feel like work planed a curling slice of my happiness off every time someone left and wasn’t replaced, or relentless automation and offshoring threatened to make another long standing friend and colleague obsolete.
However, the relentless march of capitalism wasn’t the only thing that contributed to my decision. The death of my mom also made me stop and think like few other events in life will do.
She died two weeks ago on January 28th, and her funeral takes place next week.
She was (and i marshall all my politeness skills when i say this) ‘a difficult lady to love’. She created conflict and tension between everyone in her life, and wouldn’t be told what to do by anyone. This manifested most self destructively as a refusal to seek any kind of medical help, no matter who begged her to do it. She ultimately died a pointless death surrounded by strangers caused by smoking related emphysema. Myself, my brother and any others that tried to help her were powerless to stop the gradual decline. I decided over the last few months that I didn’t want to go out like that – and its a distinct possibility it will happen if i don’t change course like she refused to.
So – full disclosure time.
For some years I’ve been self medicating with alcohol to block out dealing with a whole variety of things. This started as a child to deal with my home life and never changed as i grew up. I stopped drinking to forget 2 short weeks ago – the day before she died. I’m hoping i can keep this up, but if I’m honest i secretly would like to write this with a glass of wine.
My life is currently designed around avoiding dealing with being unhappy. I’m drastically overweight and i have type two diabetes, high cholesterol and last time i checked slightly elevated blood pressure. My idea of exercise is a vigorous session on my xbox. Simply put I’m a corpse waiting to happen.
She smoked. I eat and drink.
Now however I’m taking a year out and the only thing I know for sure is that in approximately four weeks I will get a dog.
My dog will be waggy, sitonmylappy, goforawalky, and generally help provide structure and exercise in my life in the absence of a desk and a team of minions to organise every morning.
At the moment I plan to write every few days – maybe more if i put my mind to it.
Pleased to meet you internet. I hope we get along 😉