Mid life crisis day one!

Well I did it – After much deliberation, and not a small degree of fear I (in my early forties) just handed in my notice at work this morning with nothing to go to after 15 years unbroken employment.

I live on my own, have a mortgage, no dependants and no idea what to do next with my career or life in the long term.

It feels like an appropriate watershed moment to start writing a blog, so here I go. So – why did I just give up my job?

Well honestly I had become terminally bored with doing the same thing day in day out for a large multinational telecommunications company & despaired at the constant cost saving, downsizing, business speak and corporate buzzwords. I had begun to feel like work planed a curling slice of my happiness off every time someone left and wasn’t replaced, or relentless automation and offshoring threatened to make another long standing friend and colleague obsolete.

However, the relentless march of capitalism wasn’t the only thing that contributed to my decision. The death of my mom also made me stop and think like few other events in life will do.

She died two weeks ago on January 28th, and her funeral takes place next week.

She was (and i marshall all my politeness skills when i say this) ‘a difficult lady to love’. She created conflict and tension between everyone in her life, and wouldn’t be told what to do by anyone. This manifested most self destructively as a refusal to seek any kind of medical help, no matter who begged her to do it. She ultimately died a pointless death surrounded by strangers caused by smoking related emphysema. Myself, my brother and any others that tried to help her were powerless to stop the gradual decline. I decided over the last few months that I didn’t want to go out like that – and its a distinct possibility it will happen if i don’t change course like she refused to.

So – full disclosure time.

For some years I’ve been self medicating with alcohol to block out dealing with a whole variety of things. This started as a child to deal with my home life and never changed as i grew up. I stopped drinking to forget 2 short weeks ago – the day before she died. I’m hoping i can keep this up, but if I’m honest i secretly would like to write this with a glass of wine.

My life is currently designed around avoiding dealing with being unhappy. I’m drastically overweight and i have type two diabetes, high cholesterol and last time i checked slightly elevated blood pressure. My idea of exercise is a vigorous session on my xbox. Simply put I’m a corpse waiting to happen.

She smoked. I eat and drink.

Now however I’m taking a year out and the only thing I know for sure is that in approximately four weeks I will get a dog.

My dog will be waggy, sitonmylappy, goforawalky, and generally help provide structure and exercise in my life in the absence of a desk and a team of minions to organise every morning.

At the moment I plan to write every few days – maybe more if i put my mind to it.

Pleased to meet you internet. I hope we get along 😉

Davey

 

 

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18 comments

  1. Dave, what a brave and inspirational guy you are. I look forward to following your journey and meeting your dog to be via pictures. Jo

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    1. I am moved and motivated by your courage to take charge and change things for you. There are a few parallels I can identify with here. Wow go for it Dave.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are and always will be a real proper friend. I confided in you more when I was at AT&T than I did in Hayley. And for this I will always be grateful. You possess great insight that you direct to others, informing them how best to direct their life, you helped me massively. However now you have turned this insight inwards and typed out on these pages what you see.
    I am amazingly proud Dave of what you’ve wrote. Especially as you now have a starting point from which to move on from. A dog. We had 3 at one time. They always say that its the only creature on earth that will love its owner more than it loves itself . I can envisage a lot of walking for you and Barney (just thought of that name) but more importantly I can see a new direction YOU WILL now be walking. We all get them, some call them a Eureka moment others call them an Epiphany, but whatever they are they hit a chord deep within us and set us on a course in a better direction.
    I want you to know that myself, Lady Hayley and our 6 Cats are here for you Dave. Should you ever want to come over to Barton Towers, the gate code is 42402499044029.
    You still inspire me and I left AT&T 6 months.
    Lets catch up soon.
    Lord and Lady Barton

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    1. As always Mr Barton you are too kind. Thanks for taking the time to comment – and we must do lunch in the (east wing ?) at Barton towers when my social calendar is clear!

      I’m glad I’ve inspired you in the past and now!!!

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  3. Wow!!! Dave, what an incredibly brave thing to do! I think there are many that could identify with how you feel even if they honestly couldn’t bring themselves to say it out loud. I’ve always had the utmost respect for you and believe that you are genuinely one of life’s true gems. I hope that in time, when you look in the mirror, you see what we see and use that as the motivation to treat yourself a little better. I wish you all the best on your onward journey and look forward to some of your insightful blathering. DavidM.

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  4. I think what you have done is truly inspirational and brave, we will all miss you and that fantastic dry sense of humour of yours, never lose it Dave, as you know I am due to leave shortly myself but I will follow your journey with great interest and the new mutt’s. Take Care xxx

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  5. Dave your blog is an inspiration and truly brave, as you know I am leaving myself very soon but I shall follow your journey and the mutt’s with great interest, and never lose that wonderful dry sense of humour of yours.

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  6. Dave .. to be honest – was not expecting the departure from AT&T .. and having read the blog .. I can well understand that when one reflects upon’s one outlook on life , we sometimes have to take a good hard look and make difficult decisions. I’ll miss the hysterical laughter that I am accustomed to from the other side of the office. I know something has really tickled you. Your somewhat poetic emails that would certainly bring a smile to anyone…even if they have a serious message to convey … will be missed.
    I’m sure you’ll find your way soon … which ever direction you take .

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